The last week or so I had been majorly blessed by Elisha (www.waitingforbabybird.com) with a wonderful devotional, a book, and a beautiful card that just brought me to tears. I am amazed at the relationships the Lord has brought into my life and I am humbled to know that I am so cared for by my Father that He would bless me.
As I planned for a dinner night with some girlfriends to honor A, it required a trip to the store. We were honoring that within the next few weeks her family of 3 will be a family of 4. Another little precious peanut was on it’s way. I’ve spent many months being blissfully happy for her, and jealous at the same time. Watching my best friend’s belly grow was a constant reminder of what I could have looked like at any given moment, and as I walked in the store and purchased diapers and some wipes, I was brought to tears. I learned that even the silly little things like diapers would be a pleasure to purchase. These items would also be something that I would be purchasing as my first little one’s due date is approaching, quickly. God was gentle enough to remind me that I can rejoice for her, and also for me, because ‘my someday’ is coming soon. Soon might not be what I think soon is, but regardless, it’s coming. I can rejoice.
To this day, as baby approaches I am even more excited for this little one’s arrival, maybe more so than any other babe I’ve met. Because He, my Creator, has shown me grace in my situation, I am capable of giving more love, and a deeper desire to love on babies, and even more so, this soon-to-be Mamma.
And of course, after a good cry in the car before entering this little get-together, Cupcakes (Gluten Free yay!) were very welcomed, and a pleasant treat to chow down, or shall I say, Inhale.
Recently I have been trying to be more intentional with my time. Waking up, doing my studies before anything else, trying to listen better…. among many other things. However, one thing I have been wanting to do is spend more time with my extended family. When my parents started the process of their divorce in 2005 it felt as though all the family I had disappeared. We all went our separate ways, and life continued. It wasn’t until a horrible breakup with a previous relationship that I needed somewhere to go, I needed support. At the time when I felt I had no where to go, I received a message from my Aunt telling me that she missed me, and her house was always open. She had no idea where I was in my life, what I was going through.
This was the very start to awakening my desire to be close to the family my Father blessed me with.
Since then I have tried to make it a priority to see this extended family. Not just my Aunt and Uncle, but my grandparents, and cousins. It’s been a great journey, and one that I am actually enjoying now that I am an adult. It’s almost like we’re friends now and not ‘Just’ family. I’ve recently been re-establishing a relationship with My cousin Jos. It’s been a hoot. I am finding a deep appreciation for my blood family. I was super excited when she extended the invite to her daughters 5th birthday party this weekend with a football game to follow. During the party my husband and I were surrounded with kids, from around the ages 11 and under. It was loud, and busy, and certainly entertaining! I would have never guessed at a cute little 5 year old’s birthday party I would meet someone who knew me better than I could explain.
She was brave, and sensitive, and understanding.
When my cousin Jos asked how my baby-related things are going I immediately spilled all the things I wish I had a better filter about. To my advantage, it was the best time to splurge on all the details. Little did I know, T was standing with us, listening in on our convo. She started asking me questions that no one has asked me before. Like, she already knew my story.
With a tender voice, she shared her story with me. Ectopic. Tubal pregnancy. Right in front of my eyes was a beautiful woman who had walked in my shoes just 4 short years ago.
You guys, I can’t even begin to explain the amount of blessings I felt talking with her. She knew, and had walked through everything, I mean everything I had, have, and am walking through. I have tears in my eyes just recalling this sweet, sweet conversation we had. I even had the opportunity to talk to her Husband, to get the mans point-of-view. Even better, her and her husband took advantage of this opportunity and prayed over C and I. Prayers for healing, prayers for comfort, prayers for blessings, and supply.
Now, it’s not my story to tell, she is the keeper of her story. But God has redeemed them, and blessed them beyond measure!
I am so excited to have met someone. I am so blessed to know that all my irrational fears and frustrations are not exclusive to myself. I am not the only one who has felt loss, and felt guilt for ‘removing’ a pregnancy. My season of feeling like a mamma who terminated a pregnancy was one of the hardest seasons I’ve ever met, and it was comforting to know that I was not alone in my seasons. It was encouraging to see how her trust in the Lord was strengthened, and she was renewed. It was encouraging to know that I was not ridiculous for feeling like my mourning, and grieving was taking longer than expected, Because she too, had to walk through it all.
I am so blessed. God had an ordained appointment waiting for me at a 5 year olds birthday, God’s grace and mercy was waiting for me at Seahawks football game get-together. God’s goodness was being orchestrated starting in 2005, when my life changed and I didn’t understand why a family would split.
God has given me a beautiful gift of the view of a bigger picture. Because of this bigger picture I can rejoice, I can rest and know that He is my supply, I can know fully that He doesn’t change and His promises always come to be. Always.