Lovely Blog Award

The One Lovely Blog Award is given to bloggers by fellow bloggers. It’s designed to promote up-and-coming blogs, and to highlight those blogs that are thought to be “lovely” by the person nominating them. I don’t typically participate in the award blogs but I was nominated by a couple of you so I figured I would participate.

I am so thankful for the blogging community that I have found. It has been a huge source of strength and knowledge as I journey down this really messy road. It’s a safe haven and a place where I know that I am understood and my grieving process is fully acceptable and noted as a personal journey. To know that I have two ladies who have nominated me (that I am aware of), just fills my heart! Thank you ladies, seriously!!

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Rules for winning this award are very simple, here they are:

Thank the person who has nominated you.

  • Provide a link to his/her blog
  • List the rules
  • Include 7 facts about yourself
  • Nominate 15 other bloggers and let them know that they have been nominated
  • Display the award logo and follow the blogger who nominated you.

Seven facts about myself:

I have a twin sister! We look very much alike but we are fraternal. We are natural occurring twins too, incase anyone was wondering 🙂 My sister is probably the closest person to me and we have weird twin type telepathic magic powers I swear. We fight like no one I’ve ever fought with and in a matter of seconds it is resolved and life is back to normal. It’s weird and super interesting, but I love that I share my life with another part of me.

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Me – Right, Sissy – Left

I am a worship leader at my home church. It’s the biggest part of my life and probably one of the most fulfilling things I have ever done. My ultimate goal in life is to do ministry/worship full-time. Being able to lead others into worship and teach people how to enter into that direct line of access to the Holy Spirit is basically the definition of “having a front row seat to watching the Lord work”. It’s exhausting and requires loads of energy but never once has it felt like work and never once have I not had enough strength to do what I have been called to do. There has never been any question in my mind about what He calls of me. This could seriously be a WHOLE post in its self.

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Church in the Park

I paint my nails only to end up picking 90% of the polish off by the end of day 3. I hate that I do it and it must be subconscious thing. I try to blame it on my desk job where I type a lot during the day to start chipping it, but even before my current career my polish would be gone in a matter of days. I would prefer fake nails but it’s not in the budget. This issue really only gives me a great excuse to have lots of fun colors to paint my nails every 4 days. 🙂

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I snapped this sad picture TODAY to prove to you! Although I painted these on Saturday morning so they have lasted me longer, but it will come off tonight! Ewww

I am always tired. Seriously, ask my husband. I could probably sleep 20 hrs a day and be tired the other 4 hours I am awake. For a short period of time, after we lost Colton, I started staking a different type of Folate and B vitamins to treat the MTHFR. These helped me SO much but I once my body adjusted to taking the new stuff I went back my self. And before I get questions, yes we’ve checked my vitamin levels, iron and thyroid and a whole array of things. I’m just a sleepy person. I doesn’t matter what I eat, how much I do or don’t exercise, it’s just part of my personality I suppose.

I drink coffee everyday. BUT, it is always decaf. I haven’t had a full beverage of caffeine in 2 years. After meeting my naturopath we discovered several intolerances and allergies that I have. Caffeine being one of them. I have lived with stomach aches and pains and bloat for my whole life, then we did some tests and BAM, it’s like I am a whole new person! Since I have cut out a lot of stuff I know when I eat or drink something I shouldn’t have within minutes. It’s awful!

Like so many others, I love fall and I have always loved PUMPKIN everything, until this year. For some reason I can’t stand pumpkin in my coffee, or the smell of it. I’ve been juicing for a while now, and my sister and I added pumpkin into it and I can say with certainty that I will never do that again. I love pumpkin seeds, or looking at pumpkins or a certain pumpkin cookie recipe my friend L makes (HEAVEN), I love the apple orchards, corn mazes, and chilly weather with cute boots a scarf and comfy sweaters. I love apple cider, cozy sweats, a fire-place and my man snuggle buggin’ on the sofa with our 3 furry friends.

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I am incredibly passionate about people, sometimes to a fault. My feelings get hurt really easily and I take everything personally. I make it a point to scroll through my contacts in my phone frequently and ask the Lord to speak to me and reach out to someone. Sometimes it’s a lot of people, sometimes it’s just one, sometimes it’s none. Usually it’s just a text but sometimes it’s a call or a coffee date request. I LOVE people. If you want to be loved on, send me an email and I would be happy to get in contact with you.

You guys that was soooo hard!! HAHA, I literally had to take about 1.5 hours to find just 7 things about myself, and even then they aren’t that interesting of facts. Well maybe they are?

It was super fun and now I get to pass the torch along to some others! I don’t think I know of 15 bloggers who haven’t done this already, but here are the few that I do know, and if you happen to have NOT done this quirky game yet, please just consider this your nomination 🙂 I pretty much think all the blogs I follow are amazing and each one of those women are amazing individuals.

  • Fortitude in Fitness (sissy)
  • In It For Love
  • Genuine Greavu
  • Faith and Family (To Be)

Celebrating Life 9/24/13 and Radical Changes

Baby B #2,

It’s been one full year since I said good bye, far too soon. I often feel guilty because I don’t think about you nearly as much as the others. It all happened really fast, and I was wrapped up in so much anger that I just couldn’t allow myself to go there. However, that has NO impact on the amount of love I have for you or the amount of joy it brings me to know that you are so well cared for up there.

You’ve always remained nameless, and that’s ok. I know that you are called by name by our maker and that is sufficient for me. I don’t know if you’re a he or a she, but either way, I have never been more certain that you have been made whole and perfect. We miss you. We love you.

Your day caught me off guard, I had been so wrapped up in family visiting, and work being busy, and life moving so quickly, that I woke up today, the day before your day, stunned that I didn’t do a better job at preparing myself. It’s like I woke up and realized that I was missing someone and I was thankful I remembered before it was too late. I’d like to classify this as the typical middle child syndrome. But, I promise you, my love, that you are not forgotten. Ever.

Tomorrow we will honor your short little life just like we did your sissy and just like we will for your Brother, Colton. Pass out lots of hugs for us.

All our love, little one,

M + C

Tomorrow Connor and I will be writing, once again, notes on balloons and driving somewhere to a top of a mountain or hill to let them go. If you feel so moved to join us in celebrating, just like we did with our Little Flower, send off your own balloon in memory of our little one, send us pics.  It may seem silly to some, but what the heck, I’ll do anything silly or not silly to celebrate the little ones that were mine, even if for a short moment in time.

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My bestest friends and their kiddos sent this to me on 7/24 and it just melted my heart to have so much support. I haven’t been able to delete the text I got when she sent it to me. It makes my heart FULL.

I was super lucky to be able to go spend a night of worship with my favorite leader this past weekend, Kari Jobe. It was amazing. Not only did I have amazing seats but God showed up. During this amazing worship night, singing my guts out with her, she sang a super popular song, You Make Me Brave. During this time I was considering my own life and what He’s accomplished in me and how He has strengthened me to keep enduring when, quite honestly, I wanted to walk away so many times. I was so overwhelmed that He’s been faithful through it all.

You make me brave turned into: You MADE me Brave. I get tears in my eyes knowing that He’s made me brave enough to be bold in my faith, to be radical in believing for healing and be unashamed to live out the messy, the ugly, and the amazing. He has made me Brave enough to keep walking out on the water when the waves are far greater than I can manage alone. I no longer have the desire to think that he’s going to make me into something. Instead I want to trust and fully believe that He has already accomplished it. That, to me, is SO freeing. Knowing that even when I don’t “feel” brave, I AM BRAVE. I AM WHOLE. I AM HEALED. I AM HIS.

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I’m not gonna lie, I hate that I have anniversaries of losses and 3 due dates that I’ll never forget. BUT, I can’t say that they have had a negative impact on me. The amount of strength and courage …. and faith and hope and joy and so forth…. that it has brought into my relationship with the Lord is worth EVERY.SINGLE.TEAR. EVERY.SINGLE.ACHE… Worth it! I’d rather not do it again, but if I have to, I know that He has purposed my pain and grief to further His kingdom and give Glory to His Name.

Today, I choose to celebrate, regardless if my heart feels like it’s fell out of my chest and exposed on the floor for all to see. He’s done a good work, and that’s worth the display.

Break Every Chain

Yesterday, a particular hard day. You know, those days where it’s just “a day” and you can’t seem to quite snap out of it, then every other little thing takes another poke at you? Yeah, one of those days. I crawled outta bed, did my routine and decided to push through it. Dropped the momma off at the airport and said my good byes. At that moment I had remembered I brought a new CD with me that the Mother-In-Law gifted to me for my birthday. I popped that bad boy in and took a listen. Excellent I tell ya! So so good!

I stumbled through the day and around 2:30 I just couldn’t do it anymore. I darted over to the bathroom and allowed myself about 10 mins of pure bawling. I sat on the nasty bathroom floor and cried. Lord, I had just been exclaiming a short day or two ago about how you have done so much in me and my bitterness and jealousy and pain was being healed. All of a sudden there are all these triggers and painful reminders of what was lost and it’s like my chest was split wide open all over again. What are you doing up there?

I wiped my tears and reminded myself, ” I know that He loves me”, popped back into my seat and plugged away for the rest of the afternoon. I think the most important part of this story is what happened on my drive home. When I hopped back into my car to drive home I was listening some more to that amazing cd and a song I have heard a million times came on. As I was singing along I felt the tingles all over my arms. I could feel to the depths of me a shift. My singing became a prayer.

There is power in the name of Jesus, There is power in the name of Jesus.

To break every chain, break every chain, break every chain.

We all wear chains, whether we admit it or not. Depression, infertility, repeat pregnancy loss, addiction, fear, grief, guilt, shame, and a whole laundry list of other ailments. I found that while I was singing along driving home my eyes were full and my heart clinging. It was amazing, a moment were I was begging that the Lord break off my chains once again. Unravel me. We have all been set free when Christ bought our sin and shame and disease on the cross, but how often do we really walk in that? How often do we truly believe that what He said was finished is really finished? Do you know that you know that you know that you have really been set free, that your chains only need be shaken off.

When we claim to be bound up in bondage we never quite consider that our bondage isn’t holding us in with lock and key. There is NO lock and key. It’s simple, the enemy has convinced us quite well that we are to carry this ball and chain and that it’s going to tag along for the ride or that it’s gonna take a miracle or more to rid ourselves of it. Frankly, it’s a lie. The miracle we’re convinced it’s going to take was already done, it was conquered the minute He said “It Is Finished”.

There’s an army rising up, there’s an army rising up.

To break every chain, break every chain, break every chain.

As I was singing along I became angered and frustrated with inaccurate frustrations. I was angered thinking, where’s my army? Who’s gonna fight for me when I’m weak, or tired and feel weighted down? Where’s my army lifting me up, or standing firm when I can’t stand at all? After a day like that day, I needed someone to stand with me. I am fully aware that as time passes people don’t necessarily forget about our circumstances, but I sometimes think or unfairly expect it to be in the front of their mind like it is mine. But dang it, I need an army sometimes. I was soon reminded that this, this is exactly what the church is for and I don’t mean the building. I mean the  people in our small groups or the ones we adopt as our family. The ones who instinctually know when to call and cry with you as you recap the day. The ones who send you emails or texts of encouragement, or the random “thinking of you”. Sometimes it feels like the church forgets their role, we get busy, side tracked, a case of the “I’ll do it later, or when I get home”.

Romans 12:15

Rejoice with those who rejoice, mourn with those who mourn.

The body of christ, our brothers and sisters, that is our army. It doesn’t come easy. It still takes work. We are called to help hold each other up, we are called to fight when one can’t.

1 Corinthians 12:26

If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, ever part rejoices with it.

I believe some people are gifted in this area and some have to work at it and be intentional. We all have our own talents and gifting, but I believe this portion is forgotten frequently. In the blogger world we have all been put to good practice of this. We all cry with each other, and rejoice when there is victory, and mostly I’m sure it’s because we all have a common thread and we can truly relate to the depths of what it’s like. You pull the entire body of Christ together and sometimes things just get lost. That’s ok, but I don’t ever want to be one who forgets.

If I want my chains broken, I’m certain there is an army behind me cheering for me to be freed. I too, want to be part of the army, not just the one weighted down with shackles and shame. Daily I long to be set free from what holds be back from being what He’s called me to be cause it’s all about him and less of me. I long for that for everyone, Claim it, Walk in it, Shout it out!

Break Every Chain, Declare that you are free, you are not held captive.

 

 

 

 

Birthday Season II

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September is always the biggest Birthday month. As you may remember from last September we has a handful of birthdays to celebrate. Nothing’s changed and I’m certain that one day we’ll just have more birthday’s to add on!

Without further A-do!

To the Auntie:

You are the best! Always positive, always fun, and Connor LOVES you! I’ve only been in the family for a short time comparatively, but I like it, and I love it with you in it. You are solid, consistent and quite funny! I’ve really enjoyed being a part of your life and you in mine 🙂

To the Momma-in-Law:

There are no words that I could say to accurately sum up the love I have for you. The support and love and compassion you have shown me are by far more than I deserve. The encouragement and prayers have come in a timely fashion and you are a wonderful momma to 3 very amazing kiddos, not to mention an amazing Nee-Mah to so many grandbabies! Love you to the moon and back, always!

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To the Sister(s)-in-Law (C + S):

I’ve been able to spend lots of time with you two and become kinda close to you. I can’t imagine my life without having two more sisters. You were raised by the Momma-in-Law and so obviously you two have big hearts, lots of compassion, tons of forgiveness, and loads of love for your family, and fantastic momma’s to beautiful babes. To see a family that functions and operates out of the Love of our Lord is encouraging and inspiring. I’m pretty darn proud to watch your families grow (in number and in spirit), I’m also pretty darn proud to know and be a part of that family.

Momma C and her little man

Momma C and her little man

Momma S and baby Girl due 2015

Momma S and baby Girl due 2015

 

To the Sissy:

My best friend, my womb mate, my secret keeper, my support, the other half of who I am. Quite possibly the better half. You are strong, courageous, a fighter, a hero, a fantastic momma. Sharing a Birthday with you is my favorite. It gives me a really good excuse to just celebrate my Birthday, big time 😉  Thank you for flying up here when I needed someone the most, caring for me at my weakest, and encouraging me at my strongest. I love you, Sissy.

Sissy - Right, Me - Left

Sissy – Right, Me – Left

Momma E and Buggy

Momma E and Buggy

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I have truly been blessed with the two families I have been given. All of these ladies have no idea how much I adore them and how often I pray for a major outpour of favor from the Lord. For blessings beyond measure, laughter, and outrageous amounts of JOY. They’ll never really understand the amount of hope and love I have for them.

On to the next year of whatever may come! I’m holding on for dear life, praying for a not-so-wild ride! Ok, well maybe just a semi-wild ride. Nothing Cray-cray, mmk?

XOXO