I have always been a follower of Jesus. Some seasons were really ugly and some seasons I could sit back and watch my faith flourish. I have always trusted and have always believed Him to be faithful. I could go on and on about what I believe, why I believe it, and why it’s important to me. But, all along I have been missing a vital part to my spiritual health.
I’ve been doing a new Beth Moore Study called Children Of The Day. We’re walking through 1st and 2nd Thessalonians. I won’t walk you through each day, but each week there is a video that you can watch that goes hand in hand with the studies you did through the week.
Two nights ago I threw on my Pj’s and hopped into bed early, ready for a nice good lesson. Instead I was brought to tears, crumbled by the sweetest intimacy with Jesus. One of the first questions asked was this:
How actively am I allowing the Lord to parent me?
Truthfully, not at all. Never once. Ouch…
I’ve always seen Him as an All Powerful Being above me, directing, calling out the shots, making sure His Will gets DONE. I’ve never been one to view Him as an angry or mean God nor an overly compassionate push-over. He is God, I am the human, obey, love him, and life is good.
WRONG. This whole question brought to my attention why we can come to Him and call Him Daddy. This is the sole reasoning behind my entire existence. This is where I find my value. My mind immediately started questioning.
What does it look like to allow the Lord to parent me?
How will this change my relationship with the Lord?
Who has he placed in my life to show me an example of what “parenting” looks like?
I won’t lie and say that I was parented exceptionally well. My mom and dad did the very best they knew how and I am so incredibly thankful that the majority of my childhood I had both parents around as much as they knew how. I also won’t lie and spill about countless memories of precious moments with my dad or mommy/daughter dates. I have a few, and I treasure those. I am extremely thankful for the biological parents I was given. I also believe that there is always room for growth.
When my parents divorced I was crowned the middle man. On occasion I was the messenger for communication. I wasn’t given the option to whom I would live with and almost all communication dissolved between me and my dad. My mom and dad emotionally, and almost physically, disappeared from my life. I was still in High School and learning about who I was to become. All parenting and guidance flew out the window. I soon developed trust issues, and relied on my emotions and experiences I had with other people, ultimately leading me down some deceptive beliefs. It was awkward and in my late teenage/young adult years I became increasingly confused about what it looked like to be parented. I became even more increasingly confused on what it looked like to be loved by a God who see’s me as His Child. To be frank, I have very little memories of this time period in my life.
Doing this discussion sparked all these emotions and feelings about my past and what I had seemed to miss out on. I was now challenged with the process of learning what it looks like to be parented all over again, but By God.
I have always known that the Lord loves me, but as Paul similarly wrote in 1 Thessalonians 2, I am affectionately desired by the Lord, not just tolerated. I am a work of art to be delighted. The Lord has identified himself time and time again as being a God of compassion which deeply expresses His merciful nurturing tendencies. How have I missed such a vital piece of being loved and adored as a Child? Forever His baby girl..? Perhaps in my wrong beliefs I have believed Him to be a God that is close yet distant, I have believed Him to be tolerant of His tiny little creation. I have believed Him to think of me really only as “just another kid”. Instead my eye balls were opened to a whole new way to see this God. He’s not just God, He’s a Father to me.
I have always called my Dad, Daddy. Always. For as long as I can remember. I adore him, no matter the poor choices he has made, or the hurt that has happened, or the disconnect we had for several years, I have always affectionately called him my Daddy. Even though I have been hurt, or disappointed, or let down, never once have I not felt safe or protected. The same can be said about my God, my Daddy who has been the ultimate provider and sustainer of not just my physical and emotional needs, but He has faithfully protected and fought for my spirit and my heart since the very first moment He thought of me. Why have I never considered crawling into His arms and seen Him as my Daddy?
I am baffled, I am blown away and I am on a WHOLE new journey than I even expected. I am so excited to find those answers my heart was asking…
What does it look like to be parented by my Daddy?
How is this going to change my relationship with my Daddy?
Who has my Daddy placed in my life to be an example of what being Parented by the Lord looks like?
How will this change the way that I parent and teach my kids to love being parented by their Heavenly Daddy?
For now, my value and my worth has been redefined and I now understand why some have always called Him Daddy. I now understand a piece of me that has been missing for so long that I never knew wasn’t there. It’s almost like a tiny piece of my puzzled heart got filled with a piece that fits just right.