The horrible, no good blogger

I swear, I haven’t abandoned my blog, nothing bad has happened, ALL is well. I just got swept away in the holidays and the crazy busy season. Ok, that’s a lie. I’ve been lazy, and wanting to sleep or hang my head in the toilet every free second I have. But, we’ve also been busy.

My family is still staying with us, they had another delay in closing but I am pleased that they finally signed documents today and will get their keys tomorrow! YAY! It was nice having them so close, but I think we can all agree, for the kids sake, it will be best for them to be in their own space and get back into their own routine with ALL their own toys and bedrooms and such. BUT, we have had quite a bit of fun:

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We made it out to the dog park with the first snow of the season, I’m pretty sure Olaf was mentioned more times than I can count.  We had a blast and it was nice to get the two pups out of the house and let them run around in a larger area.

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On Sunday night we did some babysitting so that mom and dad could enjoy a date night for their 4th anniversary. The day consisted of loud cheering for the Hubs fav football team, The Carolina Panthers. I think wearing the hat was their favorite part. Or maybe it was the celebratory French fries after?

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This hot coco was so worth the photo. I mean, who passes up extra whip? Not this girl, load it up, and then some, please…. And thank you!

**Pregnancy mentioned/Ultrasound Pictures**

So for Christmas this year the hubs and I passed on purchasing gifts. We bought a house, a car, and paid to make a baby. So we called that fair enough, plus, gifts aren’t really necessary. If we want something we either save for it and buy it, or if we have the funds available now, we just buy it. But I did do something kinda sneaky, and thanks to my sweet friend for gifting this to me, I had some fun pics taken for my Man. I surprised him with them on Christmas Eve. So I’ll share with you here my favs:

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I did these last week so they had my previous Ultrasound pictures. My RE has been amazing and has been seeing me for weekly check-ins.

I am pleased to share that I am now 8 weeks 2 days, but babe is measuring at 8 weeks 5 days with a beautiful fetal heart rate of 163. If many of you have followed along, you’ll know that our boy, Colton, passed at 8 weeks 5 days (ish) and we didn’t know about it until I was 2 days shy of 12 weeks. So this week has been accompanied by some anxiety and painful memories of our last little one. So here I am facing the biggest hurdle yet. Come Monday WHEN we still have a heart beat I wonder if my chest will feel a little lighter? Or will it come at 12 weeks? Who knows, but right now I am choosing to consistently believe that this is it. This one is thriving.

I was given a 5% miscarriage rate today. That means that we have a 95% success rate.

95%!!!!!

It was a bitter-sweet moment at my RE’s office today. It was technically my Graduation Day! It included a hug (and even a pout face) from quite possibly my favorite Doctor ever! But, because I am unsure how my OB/GYN will proceed (they seem to be sticklers, hmph) Dr. F said I could come in again if I wanted/needed while we wait for their protocol to kick in. My nurse, through my RE, is still available to me for questions and concerns until I have been fully transitioned to my OB/GYN. It’s sad to leave because I feel safe, understood and most of all heard at my RE’s office. I don’t ever feel like just another pregnant patient. This little life matters to them. It’s also a very happy moment for everyone because we have achieved the main goal!

Dr. F mentioned a due date today. I know it would be August, but I had refused to really actually calculate and ask about one. It was too painful to consider. So today, After I closed my eyes and sushed him when he started mentioning it, he respected my wishes and placed the paperwork under the rest of my medical history. During my vitals check the dearest hubster took a peek and once we were in the car I let him tell me.

August 6th, 2015.

Surreal.

I am so incredibly thankful for SRM and the team we got to work with. I, selfishly, wouldn’t mind having to go back for one more scan. Just for the last good-bye, as my nurse was out today, and didn’t get to celebrate with us!

So off to the normal OB/GYN. I don’t even know what to think. I have it in my mind the way I want them to treat me and monitor me, but I am not sure how to successfully communicate that to them without seeming like the “difficult patient”, although, it is the same practice who has treated my previous 3 losses. I also don’t want silence for the next 4 weeks, the weekly reassurance has definitely been vital to my mental health. Plus, it’s been so amazing watching this little dude or little princess grow on a weekly bases.

I am pleased to show you our little squishy:

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I haven’t really decided what to do about updates… I usually just text the closest people to us the pictures first and send all the details. But, I do know that when it’s time I want to document things, just like I have in the past. last time I started my weekly pics at 8 weeks so this morning I started again (yup, just a tiny gas/bloat bump), but I just don’t know what to do with it. I don’t know if I want to share, or just keep it on my phone, or what. I don’t know how I feel about it all.

Suggestions? Feedback?

I hope you all had a fantastic Holiday, and I LOVE reading (I promise I am reading your posts) what you all did for Christmas. I’m actually excited about the 2014 Year in Review posts too.

So maybe Fabu Friday will be a recap of 2014 for me… Although, it might be a sad recap. We’ll see!

Happy (almost) New Year!

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20 thoughts on “The horrible, no good blogger

  1. Reading this makes me SO SO HAPPY!!!! Your pictures turned out beautiful. I’m sending lots of love and prayers that you have a happy, healthy 9 months. I’m not sure if its my hormones, but I swear I’m on the verge of tears because I am so happy for you!

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    • You are such a great supporter, Krystal! I always cry reading all your updates, so no judgments on the tears. In fact, I even cry thinking about my own updates. So surreal and such a gift to be able to experience this, again. XOX

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  2. Gorgeous photos and wonderful news about how great your baby is growing! I am so very hsppy for you!

    I totally agree on the weekly scans and sanity. I dont see my OB until Jan 7 (last appt was dec 15) and I am close to scratching my skin off with anxiety.

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    • Thanks, hun! We are elated to see peanut growing perfectly. I honestly don’t know how I will even survive, I may have to invest in one of those home dopplers. Just for peace of mind, you know? XO Can’t wait to hear how your appointment goes on the 7th!!

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  3. Your pictures are gorgeous! Im so happy for you. In regards to the photos, I dont think anyone can tell you what to do. Your asking if you should share them or not seems to me like you arent quite ready and want some reassurance. I say share them when you are ready. I chose to share our pictures early because after many long sleepless nights I decided that I would rather share now and have others be happy with us, than something happen and noone know. Good luck and happy new year

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    • Thanks, hun! I love how the pictures turned out too! I decided I wanted to remember this little one, regardless of the outcome. I think you’re right, I’ll know when the time is right to start sharing more details. I think fear has a good grip on me right now, and one of these days I will break through!! Thank you for the encouragement 🙂 XO

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  4. Praying through this whole process with you. Love you & know you will hear Holy Spirit for what to share & not let fear hold you back from one moment of celebration & rejoicing. Xo!

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  5. Your photos are absolutely beautiful! And, I am so happy to hear your little one is still growing strong! Lots of love to you as you get through the next few weeks which will undoubtedly be an emotional time as you remember Colton.

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    • You are too sweet, thank you!! It has been more emotional than I thought it would be. I have my good moments and I have my bad moments. I continually remind myself that this one is different than the last, regardless of the outcome. This babe is not Colton, he was special in his own ways, just as this one is special in his/her own ways. SUCH a huge mind game. Thanks for all the support, we are sooo appreciative.

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      • Pregnancy after loss really is a hard mind game, and while I suspect it will get “easier” the further into the pregnancy you get, you will always remember Colton and the pain of losing him. And that’s just hard.
        Love to you, and remember that anytime you need to talk you have so much support here and you can always email me too. Love to you. 🙂

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  6. I say it’s 100% with God!!!!! We walk by what God says, not Man!! 1 Cor 2:5!

    So excited for you! Can’t wait for you to hold your bundle of joy!!! So glad you shared the update and ultrasound pictures with us!

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