Changing Colors

You look at me with uncertainty
You look at me with urgency
You look at me with fear in your eyes
Like you’re about to fall away

Don’t be afraid to change your colours now
I’ve known you all summer and you rose above it all
I see you hesitate to fall now
But it’s a pretty good view from down here too

When the wind takes you it takes me too
And when you change colours, I’ll change mine too
Try not to think and I will try too
And when you let go, I will let go too

I knew you when you were green and small
Like a feather on a wing, so long
You know I will miss you when you are gone
But don’t be afraid if you just can’t hang on

Cause when the wind takes you it takes me too
When you change colours, I’ll change mine too
Try not to think and I will try too
When you let go, I will let go too

When the wind takes you it takes me too
And when you change colours, I’ll change mine too
Try not to think and I will try too
And when you let go, I will let go too

The cold air is pushing hard on you
I know what you’re saying, I can feel it too
You’ll go through changes and I’ll go through them too
Don’t be afraid now, no don’t be afraid, don’t be afraid

Cause when the wind takes you it takes me too
When you change colours, I’ll change mine too
Try not to think and I will try too
When you let go, I will let go too

Ok so this may seem like and odd choice in song (but I have to admit I absolutely love Josh Groban), but the biggest highlight of this last week was celebrating with my grandparents on Valentines Day. Why were we celebrating? Well, they’ve made it through 63 years of hard work, determination, understanding and extreme change. They’ve had to learn to evolve with each other, instead of away from each other. They’ve had to endure loss and frustration and addictions. They’ve seen the best of one another and the very worst of one another. They’ve had to let go of a lot and they’ve gotten to hold a lot. They’ve had very little, and they’ve had much. I couldn’t think of a better example of what marriage looks like. I’ll never forget around the year of their 60th (maybe 61st…?) anniversary, they went through a season of sickness and as I sat in the hospital with them my grandpa was bragging about the new rings they got each other. After 60 years, he’s bragging about the gifts they were capable of giving. After 60 years while he’s in a hospital bed and gown he’s still looking at his bride like the most prized possession he’ll ever have and hold.

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In 63 years will I be able to say that Connor and I have changed with each other, or away from each other? In 63 years will I still look at him like he’s the best gift that the Lord ever gave me? Will we always work as a team, let go together when it’s needed, or hold on tight together when it’s needed? I think that’s why I chose this song. Where you are, it’s where I want to be. Good, bad, ugly. When have little, and when we have lots. I want my colors to be capable of changing when needed. I want to be that example that my great grandkids look to and say, THAT’S the kind of marriage I want. I want to make it to 63 years and then some, lord willing we live that long!

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I love these two people, and quite a bit. I don’t see them as often as I’d like, I don’t talk to them as often as I’d like. Sometimes I’m a terrible granddaughter but every.single.time I call I am ALWAYS greeted with love and affection. Every.single.time I see them there are always tears in their eyes for the love and affection they feel for all their Grandkids and Great Grandkids. This. This is what love and commitment looks like. I couldn’t be more thankful to have a beautiful example.

Here’s to 60 and then some years, Love. I can’t wait to do all the ups and downs with you some more.

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This week I had the pleasure of becoming an Auntie again. Nope, not blood auntie, but I’ve received the honor of having that title for one of my closest friends newest addition. He is quite possibly the sweetest ever, and I know that I say it every time, but I really do mean it, every time.
Welcome to the world Deegan Asher, I’m so in love with you and I can’t wait to see what the Lord does in your amazing tiny little life!
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Alrighty, so for those that are interested, here is my weekly updates 🙂
Next appointment: End of February (17 weeks) – This will include an ultrasound.
Weight Gain/Loss: I am up 5 pounds max *I think*. To be honest I am not tracking this very well…
Exercise: Yoga, Yoga Yoga, my DVD came and I’m so excited. I’ve even convinced the husband to join me in my stretching endeavors!
Maternity clothes: About the same – I can’t say yes, but I can’t say no…. Mostly normal tops (although I’ve noticed they’re starting to roll up on occasion haha). Pants/leggings/skirts all maternity. Especially at the end of the day!
Sleep: Meh. sometimes ok, sometimes not.
Food cravings:  I’ve got nothing on my list that I HAVE to have. I’m still having a love obsession over fruit and veggies! WIN! Oh, and also I usually eat chips and salsa everyday at 10:30 AM. Healthy, I know….
Symptoms: Tired. Headaches, oh my gosh the headaches. They turn into full-blown migraines about 3-5 times a week. I finally reached my thresh-hold and my Primary doc gave me some Phenergran for the really really bad migraines. I hate taking it, but oh my gosh, it brings me sleep and relief from nauseating pain. Dizzy, lots of dizzy. Growing a belly!!
Baby’s Size/Milestones: Baby is now the size of a pickle (what the heck, who comes up with these?) measuring just over 4.5inches long and weighing just over 4 ounces. It’s wiggling around, sucking his/her thumb, and learning to listen with its newly refined ears. Each week, regardless of the veggie/fruit it compares it to, I am so amazed at the beautiful creation being knitted together inside of me. Babe’s heart rate is still consistently in the high 150’s and low 160’s.
Movement:  *same* I’ve decided that I’m not going to listen to my doctor anymore about movement. I don’t care where the heck the placenta is or how it will change what I feel from the babe moving. At this point it’s said to be unlikely that I feel the baby – I happen to maybe disagree. Someone said to me a few weeks ago, ” Whether you’re right or wrong about feeling the baby move, it’s better to just go with it and believe that it’s baby. No one can REALLY tell you that it’s not, and no one can REALLY tell you that it is. So you may as well enjoy whatever you feel and believe that it’s your baby.” I loved that. I know that I am super sensitive to what my body does so sure, maybe it’s gas… Maybe it’s not. Maybe it’s digestion, maybe it’s not. But clearly new things are happening in this area and I’ve noticed. I choose to be excited and hope that just maybe it’s the start of something.
What I miss: Colton. I know I say Colton every week. But it’s true. He’s always on my mind – especially lately. On February 21st , 2014 I learned for the first time that I was pregnant with this sweet boy. My heart aches to know him and hold him, but I couldn’t be more thankful that he’s being held and known by the One who created him. I miss my skin…. I don’t want to look like an acne-prone teenager anymore. I also miss having the EXTRA energy to be a good housekeeper, although I made no bake cookies before work and I will say that I have MUCH pride in those cookies, I feel like Super Woman .
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What I’m loving:  Growing a baby, how amazing my hair feels and looks. I’m loving that I *think* I’m feeling more and more movement. It amazes me every time that there is a tiny human in there.
What I’m looking forward to:  Knowing that what I’m feeling is movements and knowing the gender…..I can’t wait to see babe SOOOON….. and buying ALL THE BABY THINGS.
Baby Purchases:  My sister was super generous and gifted us her crib, and Ergo baby wearing carrier thing, and a bunch of other accessories. We have also been gifted a few books and toys. This stuff totally just blesses me and makes me realized how loved this little one is. Blows me away, every.single.time. We now have two Costco size boxes of diapers, and we are working on a few house projects before we get started on baby purchases. I can’t wait to feel confident enough to buy things. As any RPL-er and they will tell you that buying baby things is a major trigger and whether you actually believe it or not, we feel it may jinx the pregnancy.
Best moment this week: Many people at work are getting wind that I am pregnant and so more and more people are starting to ask and I’ve really noticed how much support we have. It’s really a huge blessing. Also, we got some really fun news from our extended family and I can’t wait to share that in coming posts!!!!!!
Hello 16 weeks, I’m excited you’re here and thankful that I’ve been blessed to experience everything this far!
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5 thoughts on “Changing Colors

  1. Thank you for sharing your grandparents love story – it is truely beautiful! And I for one believe that so long as both partners are willing to work for it, anyone can have 60 years of love!
    Also, you look so fantastic! I’m glad you are doing pretty well, and baby is doing good too.

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  2. yayyy there is so much goodness in this post!! You are looking well and who knew that being pregnant made hair so good haha! Your grandparents are so sweet. 63 years wow thats incredible and they look so young too! So lovely that you still have your grandparents they are special kind of treasures!!! shame about your headaches you poor thing. however, I want chips and salsa every day now too haha! xx

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