Letting go of every single dream
I lay each one down at Your feet
Every moment of my wandering
Never changes what You see
I’ve tried to win this war I confess
My hands are weary I need Your rest
Mighty Warrior, King of the fight
No matter what I face, You’re by my side
When You don’t move the mountains I’m needing You to move
When You don’t part the waters I wish I could walk through
When You don’t give the answers as I cry out to You
I will trust, I will trust, I will trust in You!
I know that I’ve only typed out part of this song, and the whole song is awesome. But It’s really the first part that gets me. There is soo many emotional things going on in our personal lives and so many changes happening that I’m having to remind myself who I trust. Because I certainly can’t trust in myself, I make really bad choices when I’m not focused on the One who should be directing me.
I’ve been singing for my entire life. It’s basically what I do and the deepest part of who I am. I’ve been singing and leading worship for about as long as I can remember. It has been the most painful decision to step off that platform for an undetermined amount of time. Realizing that I am not super woman, although sometimes I think I can be, I know that it would be terrible for my work life, my marriage, and our soon to be kiddo to keep the commitment I’ve had for years and years. I knew sacrifices would come and I was totally game for that, but this was one that I was not prepared for. Placing this on the back burner has nearly crushed me. Ha, when I was just a tiny kiddo and people asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up, I would answer them, ” I am going to be a mom and a worship leader”. Neither of those dreams are even close to how I imagined or how I thought it was promised from Him. Talk about a reality check. Ouch. So I’m back at square one and learning to trust as He re-defines me and my role as an employee, a wife, a mom, and a homemaker. Yes, I know I won’t be doing these things alone, but Connor and I are very sure in our decision and know that, although tough, it’s the right call. Especially as his role in ministry keeps growing.
It’s hard letting go of something you love, and letting go of something that is a part of the depths of you. Sacrifices are important and I know little C will be worth every moment of this season. Maybe He’s finally changing my ministry.
I realize my blog posts are becoming increasingly boring, but at the same time I find it hard to apologize for that, because we’ll, I’m pretty darn thankful for a “boring” pregnancy.
Next appointment: Mid May – 28 weeks
Exercise: I feel great about it. I’m walking for about 25-30 mins after work probably on average about 3-4 times a week. I am still doing yoga at work as my schedule allows, but unfortunately I’ve missed two weeks in a row. I do my best to make it as I can.
Maternity clothes: Yes for the most part. My tops are still doing me a solid. Especially if I layer them with some long tanks. But, I can definitely see them getting shorter and shorter.
Sleep: I’m convinced the sleep I get (or lack, really) is all in prep for what’s to come. And I’m ok with it. Except it really takes a toll on my mood and makes me more crazy. Or maybe I’m just crazy…
Food cravings: Nothing. It was all fun while it lasted 🙂
Symptoms: I will say: Purpose. I’m thankful there is a purpose. I need more space, I need less ribs, I would prefer more sleep and less aches. But, there’s a tiny human thriving in there, so it’s not really anything to sneeze at. The Braxton hicks are nuts, and quite confusing. But, if that means my body is doing something it should be in prep to have a successful birth, I’m game.
Baby’s Size/Milestones: Crosby is spending lots of time packing on the fat that will help regulate body temperature. His eyes, which had been sealed such for months now, are finally starting to open, so he will be more responsive to light, and kick up a storm when detects some. Crosby is also gearing up his immune system for birth by borrowing some of your antibodies. Most of Crosby’s bodily systems and functions are intact, and most of the rest of his development is purely revolved around putting on height and weight. He is now over fourteen inches tall, and weighs more than two pounds, the size of a head of a butternut squash.
Movement: Thump, thump, thump… I thought that just maybe these little ones sleep a lot in the womb. But apparently he missed the memo, as he moves all day and all night. With very little moments of quiet. He’s mostly found comfort in kicking/punching my ribs on the right side. He certainly has a favorite place, and I am very familiar with where he hangs. No biggie. It’s cute. He makes me laugh – a lot.
What I miss: I miss a lot of things, but I don’t think any of it has to do with pregnancy. HA!
What I’m loving: I’m loving how active this dude is. His little feisty personality kills me. I’m loving growing a babe. I’m loving the miracle.
What I’m looking forward to: Baby showers, omgthirdtrimester, meeting him.
Baby Purchases: Nothing really… I bought this… Which is so not practical but cute nonetheless…
Best moment this week: Date night/Celebrating little Colton. That was a hoot. We had a great time, got some much needed answers to some really big decisions we have happening right now. Feeling at peace about these choices and finally airing the final choice out in the open. Hardest choices ever, but we know it’s the best.
Hello 26 weeks! I still can’t believe that I’ve been gifted this amazing opportunity. I hope that as things get more and more uncomfortable that I never once take this experience for granted. That I remind thankful and humbled at Gods amazing grace.
As a FINAL update on all our March of Dimes stuff:
I am super proud to say that I met and exceeded my final goal of $1000. My final total was $1010.00. I was stoked and beyond blessed by the last minute donations and wept out of people’s generosity.I couldn’t have asked for a better day to remember our little one.
Apparently one gets a medal when reaching over $1,000.00 raised. I was proud! (The name tag was something my friends/family ended up doing – and I followed the trend – they were all wearing tags saying they were walking in memory of Colton. I cried, it was beautiful)
Thank you to our friends and family members who donated and walked and raised funds for the March of Dimes. I am looking forward to rocking out some more amazing-ness next year!