A Birthday Boy

I was made for loving you
Even though we may be hopeless hearts just passing through
Every bone screaming I don’t know what we should do
All I know is, darling, I was made for loving you

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You happen to be the “fun” uncle

You’re a passionate man – and your passion for the littles melts my heart.

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Your love for our littles who went well before us – stops my beating heart. You’re the best daddy, and I can’t imagine doing this whole family thing with anyone else.

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You happen to be my favorite, and I love celebrating my favorite people.

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You are strong, you are a leader, you are the half that makes me whole. You are gifted and talented. You work hard and you play harder. The best part of me is you. Your silliness is contagious, your laugh never fails to make me smile, your passion is inspiring, and the way you love people – is an example I hope to follow for the rest of my days.

I was made for loving you
Even though we may be hopeless hearts just passing through
Every bone screaming I don’t know what we should do
All I know is, darling, I was made for loving you

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You’re my favorite

Happy Birthday My Love, my prayer is that with each passing day you continue to grow into the man God has destined you to be. That your life be filled with more joy than you can handle and more blessing than you know what to do with. I pray that your heart stays soft so that you keep being molded and shaped into an amazing husband and an amazing father. That your dreams become tangible and your cup be filled to overflowing. You have been made with a special gift, a purpose, and my greatest joy is watching you discover and walk into what God has for you.

I love you with all my heart! Praising Jesus for You!!!

Trying Too Hard

I didn’t want to blog today.

I’m in a foul mood, I’ve been super discouraged, annoyed with people, and just… blah.

It’s no secret and not easily hide-able the changes that occur to a woman’s body during pregnancy. Maybe at first it is… But after a while, its all just – out there. Here’s what I have to say: If you think it’s even remotely acceptable to make any comment on a pregnant woman’s body that doesn’t resemble a compliment – keep your mouth shut. Seriously. It’s completely acceptable to ask when she’s due, if she’s having a boy or a girl and offer up some congratulations of some sort. However, it’s not acceptable to comment on the food she’s nibbling on, it’s not acceptable to remind her how big she is and make faces when you receive the answer of how much longer until she pops. It’s rude – it’s inconsiderate, and further more, you have no idea how it will impact her.

Maybe I’m just annoyed and need to grow thicker skin – but seriously. I am proud of my NORMAL – and healthy – weight gain, I am proud of the snack choices I make and I am proud of the little dude who happens to be thriving. Yes, I am feeling incredibly insecure, incredibly large, and sadly  completely unattractive. Keep your opinions to yourself 🙂 Unless you want to compliment me, then I’ll freely hear what you have to say.

Comparison has been a joy thief for me. I’ve often looked and compared pictures of myself to my twin sister and her pregnancy with my nephew. I think after today I’ve learned that even though we are twins, we clearly carry babies differently. I’ve been stuck inside my own head and I have let it beat me up minute after minute. It’s drained my mood and I’ve been battling serious inadequacy feelings all day long. It’s like I’m quickly forgetting the amazing work my body is doing and the amazing work that God is doing. It’s sad and it definitely impacted my day, and I hated every second of it.

Yeah, I’m big – but my baby is healthy and gaining the weight he needs.

Yeah, I’m tired – but my body is working really hard, and I’m not so concerned with being as done up as I used to be… Who cares if I don’t wear concealer right now… Yes, I have bags under my eyes and I don’t “poof” my hair like I used to….

Yeah, I’m a little fluffy right now – but I needed to gain weight to have a healthy baby, and to breast feed, and to grow a human – trust me, it’s not all fat.

I’m not sure why some of this wasn’t good enough reason for me to just shrug off some comments and be confident in what my body is capable of, of what God has allowed me to sustain.

I like me… I like my baby… I’m better than this, even if I’m tired, crabby, sore… I need not please anyone but God.

Due Date: August 6th, 2015

How far along: 34 weeks – First goal MET! I seem to have gotten noticeably bigger in just a short week… I’ll do you a solid and even do a side by side of last week to this week.. WEEEEEE 🙂 The Red shirt is 33 weeks, and the purple shirt is 34 weeks. Growth spurt? Dropping? Big.. Yup.. Big.

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Next Appointment: Honestly, I cannot remember – but I know that it is sometime next week. I just can’t remember the date or time. Thank you Jesus for text/call appointment reminders. I can’t keep track anymore. I got to skip this week since my last appointment went so well. We’ll start weekly appointments next week. Little man is more than welcome anytime after 36 weeks.

Gender: Boy – Crosby Dixon

Exercise: I’ve been cheating and trying to do the stairs on days that I feel good. Other than that, I’m a bump on a log. I hate it. I want to do my laps in the pool and move around. Oh well, two more weeks and then I’m released for at least a little more activity!

Stretch Marks & Belly Button: Nope 🙂 And in/out/flat combo. So weird.

Sleep: HA! I am SO looking forward to purposeful sleeplessness. For now, it’s just annoying.

Cravings: Nothing really. But I do find I want milk shakes and pastries a lot more often. Or pancakes. Ok, basically carbs.

Symptoms: Contractions, fatigue, pretty much anything you might expect from someone who is 30+ weeks prego. But, considering some have it pretty bad, I’m very lucky and have had a fairly easy/boring pregnancy.

Movement: Always rolling, twisting, kicking, punching. He loves to use my hips and ribs as a place to stretch from, it’s cute – and painful 🙂

Baby’s size/Milestones: Right now, Crosby is measuring in at somewhere around 18 inches, the size of a savoy cabbage, and weighs in the neighborhood of 5 lbs (or according to my ultrasound on Friday about 5 pounds 10 ounces…. He was measured to be as big as a 35 week baby at 33 weeks, and my FH was 34) – big enough that otherwise healthy babies born as early as this generally do just fine. His lungs, brain, and central nervous system keep rapidly developing, and all but the lungs are reaching their final stage of development in the womb. He is currently busy using my immune system to help build his own. The vernix caseosa, that slippery coating that will help Crosby move through the birth canal, is covering his body as he gets closer to delivery day. He is also peeing up to a pint a day, and preparing that tarry meconium for his first poop. Excellent work dude – grow baby grow!

Labor Signs: 34 week goal – MET. On to 36 weeks! Thankfully the contractions and BH’s have slowed way down and I’ve only needed to use my medication once. I usually try to manage them with a bath, Tylenol, and bouncing on my exercise ball.

Miss Anything: I miss being able to sing. Sounds silly – and don’t get me wrong I still squeak out a tune or two… But, this whole pressure on my lungs and baby thing taking up every inch of my torso has really put a halt on things. It’s sad for me. My voice feels out of shape. I can’t wait to get it back!

What I love: My little man, growing a belly (most of the time), preparing for his arrival, celebrating his little life already!

What I’m looking forward to: Unrelated – My hubby’s Birthday! He already spoiled 3/4 of his present, but he loves it.

Baby related – I’m looking forward to finish shopping this weekend for last-minute items, I have a breast-feeding class on Saturday, and a pool day on Sunday. I can’t wait to just float and do nothing. Seriously. Cannot.Wait. I’m looking forward to a lot. Especially his arrival.

Recent Purchases: Well, we went shopping and somehow spent a nice portion of the gift cards we’ve received – but I can’t quite make a list of things we actually got. So for now, I’ll just show you a few pics of his room so far. We have lots left to do – but it’s slowly getting there!

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(the top of the changing table is housing some possible decorations – So don’t mind that mess)

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Best Moment this week: I’m struggling with this one… But – realizing I’ll never again be pregnant with THIS little dude (and perhaps maybe never again… only God knows) has made a lot of moments really bitter-sweet. It’s helping me remember that these aches and pains and discomforts are worth it and purposeful. It’s helping me remember that I can do this and I’ll likely miss it once he’s here. I don’t want to be so wrapped up in my head and my pain/discomforts that I completely miss the purpose and the lessons of NOW. It’s not as easy as it seems.

Have a happy weekend!

A heart full of more gratitude!

Monday:

  • OB Follow-up from L&D stay
  • Cervical check deemed no new changes
  • Placed on complete pelvic rest
  • Restrictions to daily activities and instructions to go home from work as needed for rest
  • fFN (Fetal Fibronectin Test = Negative)

Today:

With a negative fFN test earlier in the week we were able to rule out actual labor happening for a span of like 7-10 days – some say 14 days. So little man seems to be staying put. We were thrilled to have a negative result. However, for 2.5 days following that appointment I continued to have very regular and increasing intensity contractions. Everyone assured me things are fine so I finally just sucked it up and used this time frame to practice for actual labor and delivery. I’ve basically been on a cocktail of Tylenol and Benadryl mixture for the last 5 days. It’s essentially done nothing but help me sleep on occasion and help with the normal aches and pains associated with pregnancy (achy limbs, ribs, feet, etc). The last few days have been “good days”. Where I haven’t really been in much discomfort, so I’ll take it as a win and be stoked about it. But, last night was a doozy. I think I got about 2 hours of sleep and the good ol’ evil (or are they good…?) contractions are back.

Thankfully today we took a peek at Mr. Crosby, measured my cervix and checked for any changes. I seem to have a very proactive midwifery team and they are providing amazing care. We did a complete OB check today as well. I’m still mentally preparing myself to go full term and beyond (42 is my max) and if he decides to come early – that’s just icing on the cake. But I would prefer him to stay put for at least another 3 weeks. Either way, they’ve assured me that if he were to come today – his survival rate is well over 90% and he would be just fine.

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So the great news, my cervix and all the insides look fantastic. Mr. Crobsy is measuring perfectly and appears to have chubby cheeks and his estimated weight is 5lbs 10oz. He was practicing breathing during his ultrasound, so we got to watch his little belly do some amazing work. She has prescribed me a medication called Vistaril to take on days where I seem to be contracting too often and need a break, the only side effect she mentioned was sleepiness. I am still on complete pelvic rest and restricted activities until 36 weeks. After that – any labor that happens can happen! If I am feeling anything new or different than what I’ve been feeling I’m to call and report it…. But, she seemed pretty confident that little C ain’t going anywhere any time soon. This was a HUGE relief to us today. We are incredibly thankful!

Check out those smoochers!!!

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On Monday we have our final meeting with our doula, Sarah. I’m getting increasingly more and more excited about delivery. It hasn’t quite made me nervous or anxious. I’ve not yet felt fear of the pain or fear of the what if’s. Perhaps me telling myself that a birth plan is simply just best-case-scenario, and anything can change at any moment has helped. The closer it gets the more I see myself embracing the process and looking forward to seeing how it unfolds. The only time I’ve felt fear was last Friday while being monitored. But my fear wasn’t of birth, but more the fear of losing another baby – or something going terribly wrong and having a complicated premie infant. I felt unprepared for his arrival and I knew that it was too early. But now, I feel like I have a better understanding of how things could, and most likely will, turn out.

So, 33 weeks looks pretty darn good from here. I’m thrilled to have had such a great appointment! I’m pretty sure my next update will include a lot of pictures of his room and all the fun stuff we’ve finished buying! Until then, you’ll likely find me floating in my pool. Dr’s orders… you know 🙂

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Happy Fathers day to all the men who have their littles in their arms, in their hearts, or in their prayers. To all the men who serve as father figures to kiddos and young teens to young adults. To all the men who teach and invest their important time into our families and to all the men who have lots their littles far too soon or have one baking and on the way!

A little Over Achiever and a lot of gratitude

Bullet points. They can be life savers.

  • I’ve had 3 amazingly successful baby showers – and I feel completely overwhelmingly spoiled. Our friends and family have been incredibly generous and we couldn’t be more thankful.

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  • I’ve posted a new page for our maternity pictures if you wanted to take a peek. I couldn’t just pick a couple. We ended up with just over 200 edited photos and I am SO thrilled how they turned out. It was a fun day, and I love how she captured us. Seriously, again, beyond thankful.

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Due Date: August 6th, 2015

How far along: 32 (+3d)

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Next Appointment: Here’s the scoop – most likely on Monday. I’ll spare you the in-depth details but Friday night we got the pleasure of spending the night at labor and delivery. It was awful. I thought I would pop in and pop out with a simply diagnosis of a UTI. Nope, how about Pre-Term labor. After 3 cervical checks and two rounds of medication to stop contractions and almost 8 hours later we got to go home. Let me tell you this, the first medication they gave me – it was horrible. I hated it. It’s known for unpleasant side effects but seriously. It sucked. My heart rate was flying ranging between normal and 130 for well over 20 minutes, I was shaking, and I felt like I was stuck in anxiety with a mixture of crack/cocaine or far too much caffeine. About 10 mins after the injection I started crying cause I hated it so much – it sucked. They wanted to do a second dose, but I was not thrilled about that option and thankfully our AMAZING nurse took initiative and called the Dr. and they found a second option for me. It was MUCH better (side effects are similar to taking Benadryl, as they are in the same family) and it actually helped long-term.

The great news about all this: Crosby is perfect – they even called him a wild man and an overachiever. It’s his apartment that isn’t amazing. So I was sent home with instructions to rest as much as possible and to try to stay horizontal as much as possible until I can be seen for a follow-up. So, I have every excuse to be as lazy as possible. With the exception of my baby shower – but even then, I was good and didn’t do hardly anything but open gifts and visit. Today will be far more lazy. I love the excuse to nap and do nothing. It feels good to slow down.

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Gender: Boy – Crosby Dixon

Exercise: I had been swimming – but now it looks as though my exercise is limited again for the time being. Hopefully floating in the pool counts?

Stretch Marks & Belly Button: Nope 🙂 and it’s back to being mostly in – unless I’m really full… weird – I know.

Sleep: This weekend – it’s been drug induced sleep, but I will say I’m pretty darn thankful for the amounts of sleep I’m getting. Feels amazing. However, I will say – I didn’t sleep an ounce on Friday night.

Cravings: Nothing. I just love food. MAYBE I’d like a cold adult beverage or two… But I wouldn’t say it’s a craving.

Symptoms: Contractions, fatigue, pretty much anything you might expect from someone who is 30+ weeks prego. But, considering some have it pretty bad, I’m very lucky and have had a fairly easy/boring pregnancy.

Movement: Always rolling, twisting, kicking, punching. My little overachiever. I lub him so much.

Baby’s size/Milestones: Baby C keeps getting closer and closer to being born, and now measures in at close to 18 inches, the size of a pomelo, and weighs about four pounds. His head has a full coating of peach fuzz, and his skin is filling out as he packs on the pounds. He is still a little ways away from his first mani-pedi, but he does have a full set of both fingernails and toenails already. In fact, one of his favorite activities right now is sucking his thumb, which actually improves coordination and familiarizes him with his body. Baby C is really practicing for the big stage, breathing and “swimming” like crazy. He is also probably already in the head down position to prepare for delivery. Although there’s no guarantee, over 90% of babies born in the 32nd week of pregnancy survive.

Labor Signs: Mmm, I have some – but thankfully it’s not as bad as it could be! First goal is to make it to 34 weeks, next goal 36 weeks.. And so on and so forth. I’m pretty confident that we can make it to 38-40 weeks. At least that’s what I’m praying for.

Miss Anything: Hmm, I can’t think of anything..

What I love: My little man, growing a belly (most of the time), preparing for his arrival, celebrating his little life already!

What I’m looking forward to: Well, after Friday I’m feeling a little bit more crazy about having a small bag packed for the 3 of us. Connor was pretty cold in that room and now that we know – we can pack accordingly. I’m also going to throw the car seat in the back of my car – then we’ll install it later. But at least we’ll have it on hand. I’m looking forward to finishing his room and getting everything ready. I’m looking forward to being a family of 3.

Recent Purchases: hmmm, Nothing. But the next few weeks we’ll have a nice long laundry list of miscellaneous items.

Best Moment this week: Listening to his heart beat for almost 8 hours straight. Although, I hated the circumstances – it was still nice. Baby Showers. My sister-in-law S surprising me with her presence at the shower yesterday! Oh man, was that an amazing surprise.

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I love that our pool is up and running. I can float – I was exercising in it – but now I get to just float. Oh and seeing this girl:

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