Trying Too Hard

I didn’t want to blog today.

I’m in a foul mood, I’ve been super discouraged, annoyed with people, and just… blah.

It’s no secret and not easily hide-able the changes that occur to a woman’s body during pregnancy. Maybe at first it is… But after a while, its all just – out there. Here’s what I have to say: If you think it’s even remotely acceptable to make any comment on a pregnant woman’s body that doesn’t resemble a compliment – keep your mouth shut. Seriously. It’s completely acceptable to ask when she’s due, if she’s having a boy or a girl and offer up some congratulations of some sort. However, it’s not acceptable to comment on the food she’s nibbling on, it’s not acceptable to remind her how big she is and make faces when you receive the answer of how much longer until she pops. It’s rude – it’s inconsiderate, and further more, you have no idea how it will impact her.

Maybe I’m just annoyed and need to grow thicker skin – but seriously. I am proud of my NORMAL – and healthy – weight gain, I am proud of the snack choices I make and I am proud of the little dude who happens to be thriving. Yes, I am feeling incredibly insecure, incredibly large, and sadly  completely unattractive. Keep your opinions to yourself 🙂 Unless you want to compliment me, then I’ll freely hear what you have to say.

Comparison has been a joy thief for me. I’ve often looked and compared pictures of myself to my twin sister and her pregnancy with my nephew. I think after today I’ve learned that even though we are twins, we clearly carry babies differently. I’ve been stuck inside my own head and I have let it beat me up minute after minute. It’s drained my mood and I’ve been battling serious inadequacy feelings all day long. It’s like I’m quickly forgetting the amazing work my body is doing and the amazing work that God is doing. It’s sad and it definitely impacted my day, and I hated every second of it.

Yeah, I’m big – but my baby is healthy and gaining the weight he needs.

Yeah, I’m tired – but my body is working really hard, and I’m not so concerned with being as done up as I used to be… Who cares if I don’t wear concealer right now… Yes, I have bags under my eyes and I don’t “poof” my hair like I used to….

Yeah, I’m a little fluffy right now – but I needed to gain weight to have a healthy baby, and to breast feed, and to grow a human – trust me, it’s not all fat.

I’m not sure why some of this wasn’t good enough reason for me to just shrug off some comments and be confident in what my body is capable of, of what God has allowed me to sustain.

I like me… I like my baby… I’m better than this, even if I’m tired, crabby, sore… I need not please anyone but God.

Due Date: August 6th, 2015

How far along: 34 weeks – First goal MET! I seem to have gotten noticeably bigger in just a short week… I’ll do you a solid and even do a side by side of last week to this week.. WEEEEEE 🙂 The Red shirt is 33 weeks, and the purple shirt is 34 weeks. Growth spurt? Dropping? Big.. Yup.. Big.

IMG_8401

Next Appointment: Honestly, I cannot remember – but I know that it is sometime next week. I just can’t remember the date or time. Thank you Jesus for text/call appointment reminders. I can’t keep track anymore. I got to skip this week since my last appointment went so well. We’ll start weekly appointments next week. Little man is more than welcome anytime after 36 weeks.

Gender: Boy – Crosby Dixon

Exercise: I’ve been cheating and trying to do the stairs on days that I feel good. Other than that, I’m a bump on a log. I hate it. I want to do my laps in the pool and move around. Oh well, two more weeks and then I’m released for at least a little more activity!

Stretch Marks & Belly Button: Nope 🙂 And in/out/flat combo. So weird.

Sleep: HA! I am SO looking forward to purposeful sleeplessness. For now, it’s just annoying.

Cravings: Nothing really. But I do find I want milk shakes and pastries a lot more often. Or pancakes. Ok, basically carbs.

Symptoms: Contractions, fatigue, pretty much anything you might expect from someone who is 30+ weeks prego. But, considering some have it pretty bad, I’m very lucky and have had a fairly easy/boring pregnancy.

Movement: Always rolling, twisting, kicking, punching. He loves to use my hips and ribs as a place to stretch from, it’s cute – and painful 🙂

Baby’s size/Milestones: Right now, Crosby is measuring in at somewhere around 18 inches, the size of a savoy cabbage, and weighs in the neighborhood of 5 lbs (or according to my ultrasound on Friday about 5 pounds 10 ounces…. He was measured to be as big as a 35 week baby at 33 weeks, and my FH was 34) – big enough that otherwise healthy babies born as early as this generally do just fine. His lungs, brain, and central nervous system keep rapidly developing, and all but the lungs are reaching their final stage of development in the womb. He is currently busy using my immune system to help build his own. The vernix caseosa, that slippery coating that will help Crosby move through the birth canal, is covering his body as he gets closer to delivery day. He is also peeing up to a pint a day, and preparing that tarry meconium for his first poop. Excellent work dude – grow baby grow!

Labor Signs: 34 week goal – MET. On to 36 weeks! Thankfully the contractions and BH’s have slowed way down and I’ve only needed to use my medication once. I usually try to manage them with a bath, Tylenol, and bouncing on my exercise ball.

Miss Anything: I miss being able to sing. Sounds silly – and don’t get me wrong I still squeak out a tune or two… But, this whole pressure on my lungs and baby thing taking up every inch of my torso has really put a halt on things. It’s sad for me. My voice feels out of shape. I can’t wait to get it back!

What I love: My little man, growing a belly (most of the time), preparing for his arrival, celebrating his little life already!

What I’m looking forward to: Unrelated – My hubby’s Birthday! He already spoiled 3/4 of his present, but he loves it.

Baby related – I’m looking forward to finish shopping this weekend for last-minute items, I have a breast-feeding class on Saturday, and a pool day on Sunday. I can’t wait to just float and do nothing. Seriously. Cannot.Wait. I’m looking forward to a lot. Especially his arrival.

Recent Purchases: Well, we went shopping and somehow spent a nice portion of the gift cards we’ve received – but I can’t quite make a list of things we actually got. So for now, I’ll just show you a few pics of his room so far. We have lots left to do – but it’s slowly getting there!

FullSizeRender

IMG_9452

(the top of the changing table is housing some possible decorations – So don’t mind that mess)

FullSizeRender1

Best Moment this week: I’m struggling with this one… But – realizing I’ll never again be pregnant with THIS little dude (and perhaps maybe never again… only God knows) has made a lot of moments really bitter-sweet. It’s helping me remember that these aches and pains and discomforts are worth it and purposeful. It’s helping me remember that I can do this and I’ll likely miss it once he’s here. I don’t want to be so wrapped up in my head and my pain/discomforts that I completely miss the purpose and the lessons of NOW. It’s not as easy as it seems.

Have a happy weekend!

Advertisements

20 thoughts on “Trying Too Hard

  1. A) if I can look like you do when pregnant, that is a WIN! B) ever since I started watching the show Parenthood, I have adored the name Crosby (if you don’t watch that show, it’s one of the characters names.) When I read your baby’s name, I immediately smile. Good luck with the next few weeks!!

    Liked by 2 people

  2. You are one of the most beautiful pregnant ladies I have ever seen, and I am not just saying that! I think you look amazing, and more importantly you are healthy which means Crosby can grow and thrive too! Please, do not compare yourself to other and please do not listen to crazy things that crazy people say! Sending you love and wishing you the best in the next few weeks – you are getting so close now! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  3. You seriously look so cute! I know it’s easy to get down on yourself and feel unattractive during pregnancy, but you’ll always be your toughest critic. Just tune ignorant comments out or tell them how you feel about their comments. But know that you’re looking great! And the mow important thing is a healthy pregnancy, so screw anyone that has opinions about what you eat or how big your belly should be. You look like all belly, that’s the best kind of pregnancy.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. You look amazing! Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. That was the worst part of being pregnant for me. It makes you wonder if people think at all before they speak! You are all belly and any woman would be incredibly blessed to look like you 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  5. You seriously look fabulous!!! Don’t be too hard on yourself but I totally understand how the hormones can make a pregnant lady not feel great sometimes. I am having moments like that myself. So glad to hear Crosby is doing well and is healthy 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you Amie! Yeah, some days those silly hormones help you forget to stay focused on the truth and allow a little more wear and tear. BUT, today is a much better day! I’m feeling a lot more confident and a lot more carefree! XOX

      Like

  6. You look beautiful Morgan. I am so happy and excited for you. The greatest adventure of your life is about to begin. You will be a wonderful mother. I would say that little dude is very lucky. And seriously, you look amazing. God bless you!!

    Like

  7. awww you look beautiful! And its okay to be cranky – my goodness i can’t imagine how long it must feel at times, especially as you get to the end of it all! But i love that you’ve recognised it and acknowledge it – because its all part of the journey!! Our God is so good !

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Echoing what everyone else has said – you look great! You carry your baby well 🙂 I think you have such a cute belly! Hard to believe, but you may miss the belly when your baby is here (although maybe not right away, haha)

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s