He’s done Great Things

 

see more pics here


Thank You for the wilderness. Where I learned to thirst for Your presence. 

If I’d never known that place, How could I have known You are better?

Thank You for the lonely times. When I learned to live in the silence. 

As the other voices fade, I can hear You calling me, Jesus.

And it’s worth it all just to know You more.

You’ve done great things. Jesus, Your love never fails me. My soul will sing you have done great things.

Thank You for the scars I bear. They declare that You are my healer. 

How could I have seen your strength. If You never showed me my weakness?

And it’s worth it all, just to know You more.

You’ve done great things. Jesus, Your love never fails me. My soul will sing you have done great things.

You’ve done great things. In weakness, You are my victory. My soul will sing You have done great things.

Through the fire and the flood You have never let me go. And my soul sings, You have done great things.

I am weak, You are strong, You will always be my hope, And my soul will sing You have done great things

Elevation Worship, Great Things (Worth it all)

How being a mommy changed my worship

“Lord I hear you, I know you’re there. Closer now than my skin and bones can dare. Breathing deep within me, you are always with me.

I can see you where eyes can’t stare, brighter now than the sun could ever dare. Breathing all around me, God I know that you are here.”

– Closer Than You Know, Hillsong United

I knew that once Crosby was born things would be different. I knew that the day I stepped away from the worship platform for a season, that it was only temporary and that I would be in a new season of mommy-hood and another new season of refinement. I knew that once we added our mini me to our world, nothing would be the same. And so far, that’s held true. And I’m ok with it. What I wasn’t expecting was this:
The most profound and positive impact and changes to my time of singing worship and praise and prayer.

As some of you read our birth story, you know that worship was a vital portion of our story. In all honesty, without worship, I wouldn’t have been able to achieve an unmedicated birth (cause really, it was HARD!). From the minute Crosby entered our world my moments of singing praise has taken a new turn.

In the dark and lonely hours of the night, it’s praise that rolls off my tongue. When my little man is fussy or refusing to sleep, we have 3 favorite songs, and We turn up the music and turn on our voices and sing. I’ve never been more aware of my desperate need for Jesus. When the tears fall because I’ve tried all I know to comfort him I have no other option but to sing praise to the one who gave Crosby to me. When I’m beyond tired and nothing makes sense because I don’t recall the last time I slept for more than 2 hours, I have no other option but to sing to the one who sustains me.
“Doesn’t matter what I feel doesn’t matter what I see, my hope will always be in Your promises to me. Now I’m casting out all fear, for Your love has set me free, my hope will always be in Your promises to me.”

– Your Promises, Elevation Worship

More often than not, a tear falls with deeper gratitude for a consistent, faithful, purposeful creator. More often than not my thankfulness becomes so intense that I have no choice but to lift a very empty hand in the darkness and ask to be filled. More often than not while I dance or rock or bounce my miracle baby I’m overwhelmed with His nearness and am baffled at how I’ve missed this type of intimacy for so long.

This. This intimacy is what I was created for. This type of intimacy with our creator who has knit each of us together so precisely and so wonderfully together is what we were all created for. This nearness and intimacy is what creates a lifestyle and life long love affair with a God who is completely crazy about you and me. It’s beautiful, it’s messy, it’s reckless, and it’s like nothing I’ve ever experienced and something I’ve longed for my whole life.

This season of transitioning to a family of 3 and my new role of mommy has increased the desire and calling He’s placed on my life. It came as the most beautiful surprise cause I wasn’t sure my role as a worship leader would continue- but it’s been made so clear that this season is just defining my role and deepening my time with Him in order to be an effective leader.

My life depended on this transition and I didn’t even realize it! I also believe that Crosby’s life depended on this transition. From day 1 he will have seen and heard firsthand the refinement that God did in my life during the early days of his little life. I’m unashamed to allow Crosby to watch the Lord break me and mold me and I’m more than ok with being an example of worship during the good and hard and the secret moments in the dark of the night or the exhaustion in the light of the day!

“Jesus, my Captain my souls trusted Lord. All my allegiance is rightfully yours.”

-Captain, Hillsong United

Meeting Crosby 

Well it happened! I went MIA for the most perfect reason ever. At first it was mostly due to being incredibly uncomfortable and full term, but then…. Then I met a teeny tiny little man who completely invaded my entire life and wrecked me in the most beautiful way ever. I’ve been waiting for him my whole life and I have never known a love like this. It’s impossible to describe.

Crosby Dixon Brooks was born on his Estimated Due Date of August 6th, 2015 at 1:08pm. He was a chunky 8 pounds and 8 ounces and 21 inches long. 

Labor and delivery was nothing like I had expected but it was even more amazing than I could have ever dreamed. Wednesday should have tipped me off that labor was soon, I had been uncomfortable, cramping (spotting!), and crabby all day long. To take my mind off things I decided to run some errands and get a few things done that I had been putting off for months. After a night with some family, home we went and off to bed, I felt off and sore everywhere. I had woken up around 12am Thursday morning with some cramping, to be extremely blunt and graphic, I thought I just had really bad gas pains until it dawned on me that they were coming in consistent waves and increasing in strength. So I decided to walk around and time a few of them. Around 2am I finally decided wake up my husband because they had become much more painful that I didn’t feel like I could manage them alone. After another hour or so my husband encouraged me to call the on call doc so we could figure out what the game plan could be. From the minute I started timing my contractions I was consistently 3-3 1/2 minutes apart. So we, well really my husband, packed up the remainder of our stuff and off we went! 

Upon checking in (at 5am) I was incredibly discouraged to find that I was only 2.5 centimeters and 90% effaced. I thought for sure they would send me home. But the midwife decided to monitor me for a few hours. Around 730a I got in contact with our doula, Sarah, and I finally asked her to come join us. At this point the contractions were very strong and continued between 2-3.5 mins apart. Since we were managing well my hubs left for some coffee and food. Once he left that’s when I entered into really active labor. We had no idea where I was because we didn’t do many checks. Honestly I only remember having two checks total, but there may be one that I’m forgetting. Upon his return things kept progressing at a beautiful rate. It was hard, it was painful, but it was the most amazing process I’ve even been through. I was able to spend some time in the jetted tub and labor in several different positions around the room.

  
I’ll never forget the moment they wheeled in the infant station. I lost it. It’s like all of a sudden everything  became incredibly real. Knowing that a baby was actually coming scared me and I definitely voiced my fears. It was amazing and scary and surreal. I think the most profound moment of the entire process was right before I started pushing. I was still in the tub and it hit me. As tears flowed from my face I exclaimed how I was told I wouldn’t have babies and how after all our losses we were finally having our miracle. It felt so amazing to be doing something that my body was created to do. It was the hardest work of my life and the most painful  moments of my life, and we were finally bringing life into this world. 

  
Spending a few moments of worship and praise  with open hands during contractions, my husband is amazing! Singing was not the prettiest but I’ve never felt more connected to my husband and the Lord. It was beautiful. 

The next time my doctor checked me I was 9.5 centimeters. The remainder of my cervix was caught and my midwife felt confident that as the pressure increased she could stretch it out of the way and I could begin pushing. I pushed for a total of 30 minutes, midway through pushing my water finally broke and a few short minutes later we were meeting our little man! As gross as it sounds, they presented me the opportunity to feel his head, I was pretty hesitant but finally felt. As weird as it was, and I declined further feeling, I wouldn’t pass it up again if we ever have more kiddos. 

This was the most spiritual moment of our lives. We prayed, we cried, we sang worship songs, and we laughed! It was beautiful. But we did it!!! 13 full hours of labor, a crazy phase of transition, small bouts of crying, minor hyperventilation during some difficult contractions, 30 mins of pushing, we met Crosby Dixon at 1:08p! We did this 100% drug free. I had no form of medication for pain or progression. We used clary sage and frankincense essential oil, we diffused it and my doula and husband rubbed it on my back and hips. 

I couldn’t have asked for a better support team. And I highly recommend a doula- ok I highly recommend Sarah Green – if you are attempting a drug free delivery. She was our anchor. She was a vital part to our story. When I felt too emotional connecting to my husband I was able to rely on her to gain my composure  (I mean hello!! We made a baby and all our dreams and wishes were coming! I would cry when I made eye contact with Connor). She knew how to guide me, how to guide my husband! She was a vital part to our success! 

I’m proud to share with you- our miracle, the little love that stole my heart-

Crosby Dixon Brooks