Speaking Truth

It was about 1030 last night when I finally signed off social media. I closed up my apps and my heart sunk. It sunk for our country, it sunk for our nation, that is seemingly falling apart and completely divided. It sunk for my friends and family who seemed so lost. I was also shocked.. shocked at who was supporting what and how they were communicating it… 

I had just spent literally almost hours pouring myself into people’s social media posts- angry, hurt, sad, excited, passionate about my beliefs. But as I dug further into what I believe and WHY, I realized not once did I open my bible. 

There was no mention of Jesus in my words. There was no scripture pointing to Him, His promises, His desires, His laws and certainly no mention of praying for our country, praying for our president, (regardless of where you stand on the political spectrum- it is called of us to pray for our leaders). I was suddenly convicted this morning about my lack of pointing people to Christ – but not necessarily away from Him either. Specifically now. A world, hurting, broken, divided, and shattered. 

Jeremiah 29:10-14

This is what the Lord says: “When seventy years are completed for Babylon, I will come to you and fulfill my good promise to bring you back to this place. 11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 12 Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. 14 I will be found by you,” declares the Lord, “and will bring you backfrom captivity.[b] I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you,” declares the Lord, “and will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile.”

I wanted to be INVOLVED. I think I wanted my voice to be heard, or to also feel like I was fighting for something – even though I hardly made comments via social media . I had forgotten, again, that I am involved. I am heard. By a God who created ME. ME! Specifically for a purpose. I don’t need to fight for anything because He already fought for me. Here’s what’s most surprising, this last week, amidst all the chaos and uproar of hate and support, I specifically heard the Lord and He gave me a vision. He gave me a gorgeous picture of His Bride. The church, corporately, worshipping Him in Revival. He gave ME, of all people, a painting of what it will be like within the presence of Him in a revival… guys my mind is blown that as a human I can forget the presence of the Lord that quickly. 

I see His people standing up together, united. I see people being healed, I see relationships being mended and made whole, I no longer see a nation divided, I no longer hear of chains and shackles and women and men living in bondage. I see His Bride completely covered in His grace, His love and his presence. 
We are involved. Whether we say Yes to the cause or not. We are Heard, and heard clearly, whether we believe it or not. 

And with great anticipation

We await the promise to come

Everything that you have spoken

Will come to pass

Let it be done

We receive your rain” 

– There Is A Cloud, Elevation Worship

Lately – Camera Dump

Family Pictures, Fall 2016 (Ghunk Photography)

I absolutely LOVE this last photo- I may have to contact her and ask that she add one more shadow now though… a very sad, yet beautiful visual of our family!

Christmas & Winter 2016

Random Memories 

Battling all the sickies all at once- not fun- but enjoying all the extra snuggles and naps!

SheReadsTruth is a great App that allows me to get the word in when I’m nap trapped, busy, or on the go!

Doula work is going amazing- I closed 2016 with 14 birth 😍 it is an honor to be supporting women through such an amazing life change 💜💙

We are both part of the Staff at our home church- this was our only Xmas Picture taken of the two of us this year. This was at our teams xmas dinner.

Weaning, Praying and Preparing 

On January 10th, 2014 I wrote this:

 I’m not sure if it’s a quote from a book I was reading, or if it’s a statement that the Lord gave me, personally. It’s was written exactly one month before finding out that I was pregnant for the 3rd time. Little did we know that pregnancy would soon end and I’d find myself in another season of refinement and adversity. I didn’t realize that I’d soon be stepping into a much longer season/lifestyle of relying on Gods grace and sufficiency. 

It was a hard hill to climb but we made it out and on to the other side with a new understanding of His grace… a new security in His sufficiency. Life is continuously showing us and leading us through cycles of dependency on Him. Which is truly a gift. And I feel I wouldn’t see it that way without my new perspective – from loss to redemption to more loss and waiting for another miracle. 

We are less than one month away from my first dose of femera (letrozole). I am both nervous and terrified. I think we are both terrified of more loss. I think we are both nervous about success. I am not looking forward to putting chemicals into my body to force egg production and ovulation. I am nervous about the way they make me feel and the side effects. In preparation of all the unknowns and the history of multiple losses I have started mentally AND physically preparing my body for a possible long (or short) process. I have started counseling with a new counselor who is committed to walking, with me, the road of fertility treatments and possibly more loss or even success (cause let’s be honest pregnancy after loss is SO.incredibly.stressful). 

I feel… almost ready to tackle this adversity with fervor and passion. Something my counselor and I talked about is what kind of person/mother/wife I WANT to be. Not ought to be, but WANT. 

“I WANT to be that kind of mom and woman who WANTS to take the risk… even if it terrifies me”

For some reason that really helped me realize that it’s ok to be terrified of disappointment and it’s ok to be extremely nervous- but I am confident that I want to be strong enough to take these steps of faith. 

So- as a sweet surprise my very good friend sent this coffee mug to me with that quote and two pictures that mean the world to me. Of course, a family picture of me, my hubby and our rainbow miracle baby. But the other picture was while my hubby was working out of town. I was neck deep in PPD/PPA, feeling severely alone and utterly fatigued and exhausted and quite hopeless. Crosby had started giving smoochies and it was the perfect timing to help give my heart that extra boost it needed. That picture reminds me of where I was and how far we have come as a family and as individuals. I am so so thankful for my sweet friend, she has encouraged me and been with me through so much. 💜 

Through the process of preparing for the next steps it’s also required weaning. My long-term goal was 18 months. Crosby is just passed 17 months. We are down to one nursing session a day. I have cried and allowed myself the grieving each time we have dropped a nursing session. Crosby has adjusted incredibly well and hasn’t hardly made a single fuss about our changes. But, each morning I am soaking in the last few moments we have together. Come Mid-January we will be done. Thankfully I still have plenty of frozen breastmilk so that way we are able to still meet 18 months of breastmilk. I am incredibly proud and thrilled that we have made it this far. Should we have another babe I am excited to use my knowledge and experience with nursing. It has truly been a gift to be able to provide for Crosby in that way. 

God has moved so much in our lives lately. His provision, faithfulness, mercy, grace, and most of all sufficiency has been incredibly encouraging and uplifting. I am continually praising Him for being so good to us. I am ready, excited and hopeful of these next tasks He’s asked of me. 

Please be praying for us as we walk this journey, yet again. Mostly specifically for:

  • Diminished and/or complete absence of all unwanted side effects from femera and the trigger injection
  • That femera+trigger+TI is all we need and no other intervention is needed
  • Financial provisions should we not find success with just femera+trigger+TI
  • A sound mind, specifically for me… taking the risk and knowing all potential outcomes is terrifying. Pray that I am able to stay steadfast in the Lord and confident of His plans for us and reminders that they are GOOD

Thank you, for those who read this, for supporting us and cheering us on. Your support, comfort and encouragement along the way has always been incredibly cherished. We’re excited and anxious to see what God has for us next!