Fabulous 5

Dear Crosby,

I snuggled in close and felt your body slowly relax as you drifted off into a sweet sleep. Bedtime ran a bit late last night, I think you were excited to turn 5 and your excitement kept you “pumped up!”.

As I ran my finger through your thick blonde hair I was remembering that just 5 short years ago you were still safe inside my belly. Warm. Cozy. Tiny. Safe from life’s troubles and woes. I wished I could remember exactly what your tumbles and turns felt like, or what my belly did when you had the hiccups. When I went to bed that night, I had no clue I’d be up a few short hours later in the throes of labor eagerly awaiting your arrival.

Only God knew exactly the gift you’d be to me. Only God knows the struggles, fears, Joy, achievements and failures you’ll face. Only He knows the depths of your heart, but for some reason He picked me to be your mama. In all my glorious failings you are still such a sweet, sensitive, cautious, creative, loving, joyful kid. You are strong. You’re braver than you think you are. Your thoughtful and kind. My deepest prayer is that you will continue in those virtues. Hold them close to your heart and keep seeking God.

It was a few weeks ago we did VBS, Staycation Style. You started talking about how God is the King over EVERYTHING. The video mentioned making God the King over your life too. You asked me how that works and I was so ill prepared for such a huge question (you have a way of doing this- I’m always amazed at your intuitive and contemplative mind). But after we talked you decided that God was the King over your life. You’ll probably make this decision a few times more- but I weep at the thought that He is vital to your everything. He is present and tangible in your world.

Your greatest joy is your family, especially your cousin Christian. You admire him with every bone in your body. If he says jump, you jump. If he says run, you run. Your eye balls light up every morning when you first lay eyes on Cameron, and if you are the last to wake up, you’re questioning where Kobe is. You are growing into a young boy full of care and concern and a sense of responsibility.

Daily I am in awe over your bigness and I find myself scratching my head – how did it go so fast and how do I make it slow down?

You are a true gift. A bright light of goodness and joy. We couldn’t love you any more if we tried.

Love you always,

The Mama

Weight & Height: 42/43 pounds and 3ft 8in tall. Size 5 clothing.

Teeth: no wiggle teeth yet!

Sleep: 11-12 hours a night. Probably the last time I will report sleep.

Nicknames: Croz, Crozzy-D, Broccoli-Chob, Chobby.

8 Months

Cameron,

I’m sitting here holding you while you nap and your big bro’s are running wild in the background. Your breathing is soft and rhythmic with a slight snore every now and then. I hold your hefty body across my lap and I am almost convinced that you’re older than you really are. Which is both good and bad. Cause I feel like you’re way ahead of where you should be- but I get the gift of the reality that you’re still so little.

You are so loud, bud. I don’t know if it’s partly your personality or just your desire to be heard among the loudness of your older bro’s! Maybe it’s a mixture of both. I also pretty sure your protests (very loudly) during diaper and wardrobe changes are heard all the way across town. Which is both funny and insanely frustrating. Most the time we can survive- but sometimes, shamefully, I get super frustrated and huff and puff my way through.

You are so ambitious and you are very eager to keep up with the bigs. At 8 months old I feel like I am chasing a toddler already. Except you’re not walking- yet. I think it’s coming soon though. Very soon.

You are hilarious, just like your bro’s. We love you. So much.

Love you always,

The Mama

Cameron’s Likes: Food. Bath time. Oh my word bath time. You are hilarious. But so oblivious to the dangers of water. So we wrestle our way through washies and get you out ASAP. Even though you’d rather flood the bathroom and you might inhale all the water. You love to play. And you love love love to be held. You also love to hang upside-down.

Cameron’s Dislikes: you hate it when I walk away. You hate being set down. You strongly dislike waiting. and as mentioned earlier- diaper changes and wardrobe changes- dude. It’s not that bad, promise!

Nicknames: MC Cammers, Homeboy, Cam, Snaggle Tooth.

Weight: as the usual, I have no clue? But as a guess from our home-scale, roughly 21.5(ish) pounds and roughly 29.5- 30 inches tall. He has recently popped into 12m clothing exclusively.

Milestones:

  • Crawling hands and knees 100% of the time, with some bear crawling.
  • Pulling himself up to stand and cruise along (slowly) the furniture. Nothing is safe!
  • Attempting to climb the stairs. No thank you.
  • Eating solids like a champ. And feeding himself like a pro. I gave him a pre-loaded fork today and he did great!
  • He has 3 ALMOST 5 teeth. Currently cutting two- but one is further along than the other.
  • sleeping in your own room and crib for all sleeping, but you still wake 2-3x a night. I won’t complain cause this is an improvement!
  • You talk and talk and talk and talk. All gibberish. But you say Mama and Dada!

7 (and then some) Months!

Dear Cameron,

Timeliness is not my gift right now. I’m always a little late. And with the ‘quarantine’ I’m a little out of practice, undisciplined, with being on-time. But here we are, half way to 8 months old.

Can I just say you are a tiny bundle of energy? But you’re also a bit discontent. Unless I’m holding you. I think it’s just a phase. You’re bringing in teeth like it’s your job and I think you’re just a mama’s boy. A Hard core mama Fan.

You are so eager. So smart. So ambitious. So energetic. Pretty darn happy (as long as I’m within arms reach) and you are in a huge hurry to keep up with the bigs. It’s almost like you think you’re big and you try and keep up anyway. Which led to an awful tumble down the stairs. Low and behold this mama cried longer and harder than you did. By a lot. I was ready to call the ambulance, rush you to the ER or call the on-call Ped all at the same time- and before I could even make a decision you were already as happy as a clam. In fact, it was such a mild-slow motion tumble (and thankfully only 5 stairs) you didn’t even get a single bump, bruise or mark on any part of your body. True mama style, I have a hard time forgiving myself. All this to say, please- slow down cause I’m having a hard time keeping up with you!

You are insanely funny. Which doesn’t surprise me. Your two big bro’s are seriously goofy too. I have a feeling our home will be comedy show central. Thank you for making me laugh so often!

You are such a gift, even when we’re plagued with sleepless days and sleepless nights. I’m often humbled by your sweet little presence and reminding me, and you, that we’ll get through this- together!

I love you Cameron. So very much!

Love you always,

The Mama

Cameron’s Likes: bath time. If he even remotely hears the water turn on he’s dashing (ok speed crawling) to the bathroom. But he’s wild and moving constantly that baths are- well super stressful and we all drown a little. He loves food. Forget purées. Forget baby food. He would be jacked if I just handed him a 1/4 of a PB&J or better yet, a full on turkey sandwich. But homeboy forgets he’s still learning to chew. A vital part of learning to eat. He loves to look at the world upside down. He loves chasing his brothers from room to room. He loves to be held and tickled.

Cameron’s Dislikes: wardrobe changes, bedtime, car seats, baby cereal. I have also discovered he really is not a fan of the bike trailer either! Little dude screams the whole bike ride. So, my apologies if we ride by your house- he’s not quiet- but you know, exercise and other bro’s are important too.

Nicknames: Homeboy, Cam, Bubby, Bubba, Bubs.

Don’t worry, during naps I carefully monitor him- we’re a fan of blankets.

Weight: So you know, I really only ever know when I got to the Ped. And as most know that’s not an every month affair, so I don’t know. But when I plopped him on our home scale it was just shy of 21 pounds. And he seems taller – so who really knows! We are done with 6-9m clothing and pretty much exclusively in 9m and 9-12m clothing sizes.

Milestones:

  • Crawling on hands and knees 75% of the time.
  • Pulling himself up to play on his knees and also to stand alongside furniture and peoples legs.
  • Can go from sitting to crawling and back to sitting position.
  • Still crushing solids like a pro! And excellent eater (so far!)
  • 2 bottom teeth are fully in and as of today (7.5m) he has one top tooth cutting (currently snuggling you during a nap cause this darn tooth is really causing some grief).
  • Sleep- hahahah, what’s sleep. But you try! It’s worth noting the effort. You do about 1/2 the night in your crib (sorta) and the other half next to me in bed.
  • Working hard at the pincer grasp and feeding yourself well. You still miss a lot and struggle with the slippery foods, but you do great!
  • If given the opportunity you’re attempting to start cruising along furniture and waking if we hold your hands and show you the first few steps. So please- for my sake, slow down baby! There’s no rush to grow up!

7 Wild Years

Once upon a time, 7 short years ago we stood in front of our friends and family and made a bunch of promises I was certain would be easy to keep. Now, don’t get me wrong- most are in fact easy to keep…. but ALL the stuff in between…. ya, no one tells you about THAT stuff.

No one tells you about infertility. Death. Loss. Trauma. Addictions. People warn you it’s hard. But they don’t warn you about the battle you’re about to enter. The battle against flesh. The battle of selfishness. The battle against an enemy that desires nothing more than to see a god-centered marriage crumble right before his very eyes.

Have we made it to the finish line? Most certainly not. Have we lost some and won some, oh yes! Have we yelled and screamed and cried and begged for forgiveness and had a million sappy love-filled moments in between – yup! In fact there have been a handful of moments we have sat in my therapists office coming clean of our resentments or hurts- hoping we’d learn to understand and accept each other – in all our broken and god-designed ways. There have been silent drives home, sobering conversations, brokenness that left us completely rebuilding our foundation….. and I have to admit….

This is by far the best moment we’ve encountered yet.

For all the moments we weren’t sure we’d make it. For all the moments we fought to say yes- fought to keep “I Do” holy. For all the moments we chose to fight together instead apart….

It has been worth it.

In 2016 we had a pivotal moment- it nearly broke us. But we fought. For a few years. And we clung to everything and anything we could. I think that’s when I stopped blogging about US. But— the US we are now- deserves some attention on here. We worked hard for this. I’m proud. I’m thankful.

So, Dearest Connor,

Thank you for turning into the rock that we needed. Thank you for being broken enough to allow God to build you into the leader and man we needed in our home. Thank you for taking our vows seriously- even in the midst of our heartaches and troubles and ups and downs. Thank you for never giving up on us— or on me!

Thank you for loving our boys and growing into the man and leader that they need to know Jesus, be kind, loving and sturdy men. Thank you for showing them firm love and a great work ethic. Thank you for showing up. Thank you for encouraging me and them. Thank you for loving us unconditionally. Thank you for working your tail off- to provide both the financial and emotional support we all need.

You carry a heavy load and it’s not lost on me the sacrifices you have made. It’s a gift that you carry the burden of this family with grace and love and support.

You are our rock who reminds us to keep resting in Jesus.

I love you.

Me 💜