Fabu Friday!!

IMG_5894

I cannot tell you how happy I am that it is Friday. Seriously, this week has kicked my butt and then some! My family is still in our house after a few unexpected delay’s in their closing of their home in AZ, thus delaying the closing of the house here in town. We love having them with us, the house is loud, it’s messy, and I’m not sure when the last time I really (and I mean REALLY) cleaned the bathrooms and the kitchen, but it doesn’t matter, we’re making memories. However, I am exhausted. Seriously Exhausted.

IMG_7012

I’m super excited because next week is only a 2 day work week for me, the rest is vacation! Then the week of New Years Eve it’s only a 3 day work week and then vacation time! I. Can’t. Wait.

So, as promised, I snuck in a few more pics of little man, Christian. He is such a busy body, all boy, crazy, wild child that he is hard to snap pictures of.

IMG_7018 IMG_7024

 

 

 

 

The crack one is my favorite. Is there anything more cute than a kiddo crack? Seriously, my fav!

IMG_7015

It’s getting cold in Spokane, but we surprisingly don’t have any snow yet. Maybe, JUST maybe for Christmas we’ll get a dusting of it, but so far winter has been pretty mild. I don’t mind, I hate driving in snow. I’m not bad at it, I just hate it. Actually, I dislike driving in general, so adding any type of elements to driving conditions isn’t my favorite.

IMG_7028

Ok, it’s not of little bubs, but this…. Heart Melted. Princess Elsa and Uncle C-Rad snuggle buggin’ on the sofa. Can’t forget little Olaf! He’s in there too.

**Ultrasound pictures and update below**

The Pops came over for dinner sometime this last week (don’t even try to ask me which day, I can’t remember) and we got a little head start on getting ready for our Christmas Eve services at church. The Pops and I are doing a little special song/duet thing. Nothing makes me more happy then singing with my dad plays along.

IMG_6990

This also gave me and the Hubs the perfect opportunity to share an early Christmas gift 🙂

IMG_7008

The joy was short-lived because a few days later I started experiencing some bleeding and heavy cramping. Because loss is the only thing I know, naturally I freaked a little and called my nurse first thing in the morning. I know spotting and cramping can be completely normal. However for me, all 2 of the 3 losses we’ve had started with spotting and cramping.

My RE got me basically as soon as I could get there and we did an ultrasound. I am still measuring ahead and the first words that came out of Dr. F’s mouth was: We actually have a heart beat! I’ve never once experienced the SOUND of a heart beat. I have seen one, with Colton, but I have never heard it. We actually got to HEAR the heart. I don’t think I will EVER forget what that sounds like. Ever.

I got two souvenirs from my emergency visit:

IMG_7052

As we get closer and closer to the time frame that we know when Colton’s heart stopped, I have loads of anxiety and, battle frequently, thoughts of despair and hopelessness. I spend a lot of energy during my day choosing to be hopeful and constantly praying for peace and less fear. So the reassurance, and flexibility of my RE to calm my crazy brain is by far the greatest gift.

I’ve realized I’ve been pretty vague about where I am actually at. I am actually 6 weeks 6 days TODAY from my LMP, however at my u/s I was 6w4d and measured at 7 weeks. However, further measuring he said I was still only measuring a day a head.

It’s still so early. Sometimes I have little moments of fear for sharing, but I promised myself I wouldn’t ever censor myself or keep secrets on the blog. This blog is about real life, my relationship with Jesus, and being honest about the good, the bad and the ugly.

So, there ya have it!

HAPPY FREAKIN’ FRIDAY!!!

Advertisements

Fabu Friday!

IMG_6524

Yup, it’s Friday… Again?! Time just keeps slipping away. And I’m realizing that with each passing Friday I am getting worse and worse at sticking to my Fabu Friday Posts. Maybe because of the holidays I am getting more and more busy and taking less and less pictures and just enjoying the time I have with family and friends?

Or maybe I’m just lazy.

That is a strong possibility. I may have even lost interest. I do need to pat myself on the back at least a little for actually doing it, even if it’s not good quality. But, to me these are just memories made and documentation of those memories.

My week started with this:

IMG_6914

Random fact: I am allergic to eggs. And Dairy (ok and few other things, but that’s not important). So when the holiday Egg Nog comes out each year I fuss and pout that I don’t get to participate in sipping on such a omgthisisamazing treat. On Sunday, however, I had a brilliant idea. I wanted something cold and I really wanted something fall-ish. So, I asked for blended white chocolate and pumpkin sauce drink. To my surprise, for some odd reason, it actually tasted like Egg Nog!!!!!!!!!! I was the happiest ever. Ok, maybe not ever.

wow. It was good!

Bonus: it was made with Almond Milk instead of regular milk (the only dairy is the whip, and I will suffer any consequence for whip cream). This drink had no caffeine and I’d like to think it was sugar-free too. Maybe even Fat free… Maybe wishful thinking?

IMG_6964

We ordered lunch this week at work. It was SO good. I kinda giggled a little when I saw the cute, little, petite bag of croutons that came with the salad. I think it had a total of 2 croutons and one smashed crouton. I mean, I know some people don’t want many croutons. Too many carbs or something, but HELP A GIRL OUT. I love croutons. LOVE. They are the best part, especially in a Caesar Salad! Nom Nom Nom. ( think I just used the word croutons far too many times in one paragraph… Meh, oh well)

IMG_7011

This little one. Oh my word. So, my sister and her family rolled into town Tuesday night around dinner time. I am SO happy to have them here. It’s such a treat and it really is nice having a zoo in my house. I mean a heard. Wait, I mean….. Well, it’s full. But it’s fun. Here’s the tally:

4 Adults

2 Children

3 Cats

2 Medium sized Dogs, one whom is still a puppy.

My niece, Maddy, she loves me. I am unashamed to say that I might just be her favorite, and well, she’s my favorite too. She’s who made me an Auntie for the first time. She stole my heart 10 years ago and we are tight. So in the mornings (when I think I have time) I unlock our bedroom door and let her come “help” me get ready. I think she’s been enjoying that I allow her to use my brushes and actually help her apply shimmer-y stuff to her lids and lips. I love it. But, even when I think I have time, it still makes me late. Honestly, it’s worth it. It’s my family and I love soaking up all that I can get. I have a special love for her. I tried to snap a pic of Christian, the nephew, but he’s all boy and is busy jumping down the stairs and dragging bags of chips around the house and crashing toy trucks into the walls. Makes me day-dream about my someday noisy home with little feet running around causing dirty finger prints on everything and Lego’s on the kitchen floor.

I.Love.It.

IMG_6972

See what I mean? Who doesn’t love having their own personal Elsa (or is that Ana?) to act out the whole Frozen movie in their living room?

Maybe my goal this next week is to get more pics of Little Dude. 🙂

IMG_6939

I’ve been battling a season of slight insomnia, and I found this to be fitting.  My brain starts wondering, then all of a sudden it’s off in La La Land and I’ve lost track. When my sleep is lacking I tend to pray (usually that does the trick, Sorry Lord. I just can’t help it) but recently I’ll be praying and moving down my list of friends and family then all of a sudden I’m making my grocery list for the New Year. Then I catch myself, stop and wonder how praying for so and so’s this and that led me to where I could find the cheapest ground turkey? Then…. I just start praying for more wisdom with my grocery budget. HA! He cares about that, right? Yeah, he must. If it concerns me, it concerns him.

IMG_6918

This. I died. My hubs, he’s seriously the greatest. He usually does the dishes. The “I cook, you clean” method works great in our home. We are both working full-time so chores are typically split up. However, I must say he’s a champ and often surprises me with a clean house when he gets off early on some days. I.Am.Spoiled. I know that, and I love it, and I appreciate it more than he’ll ever know. Maybe Acts of Service is one of my main love languages? Who knows.

Happy Friday! I hope you all have Christmas parties to attend, cookies to eat, family and cozy cuddle time to enjoy!

XO

 

 

 

Freaky Friday? Oh my!

 

 

Freaky Friday?

Well, I’m a day late! But holy cow, I promise I have good excuses. Ok, well maybe not. Work was busy, and I have freaky-ness to share that consumed my after-work hours. As I mentioned in my previous post, there hasn’t been much going on to share. I try to snap a picture as often as possible, but somehow time just keeps flying by. My heart is still constantly thankful and being intentional about my uphill climb has made such a huge difference for me.

So I’m feeling like this accurately, and graphically, shows how my week went. Or more precisely, our Friday. WIN for my Friday: I wasn’t late for work.

IMG_6860

Isn’t that the truth? I’m so glad I am adaptive enough to go with the flow and be ok with what happens.

In the middle of my day I got an unexpected visitor(s). B brought little Peanut by to give me a super thoughtful gift:

IMG_6878

 I love flowers, like LOVE flowers.

IMG_6879

Anyone who really knows me, knows I love me some flowers. I especially love the little one who has such a big heart to give and give and give! I am so overwhelmed with such generosity!! LOVE them, and THANK you Peanut and B.

IMG_6855

My great idea: defrost chicken in a freezer bag in the fridge. Figured that would be sufficient. HAHAHA, I was wrong. Mid afternoon I get a text from the hubs that chicken juices had devoured our entire fridge. He spent the next hour cleaning out said fridge. Throwing away a good portion of food that had been contaminated (thanks babe, seriously!). This was also shortly before he had realized he left his wedding ring at work 30 minutes away. Haha, poor dude. I offered to pick it up on my way home, but he declined.

Once I got home from work it was time to cook. Dinner was going to be a yummy bread-less chicken parmesan – with the chicken that had caused the mess earlier. Although it made a mess, it was still good to eat and cook up, still cold just a leaky bag. Easy enough, right?

IMG_6882

Yeah, apparently my Pyrex dish didn’t feel cooking anything tonight. Shattered right in the oven. leaked all the juices from the chicken, making a huge mess of glass pieces and well, chicken. Lots have asked if the dish was cold or something, nope. It was room temp with just normal chicken.

IMG_6883

Shortly after we decided that it was a Taco Bell night. Yeah, not a healthy choice, but after the hassle, it wasn’t worth it to start over and defrost more chicken…etc.

IMG_6885

Taco Bell it was. It was good. Better than glass with a side of chicken, right? Ps: the green sauce from Taco Bell, my favorite!

When the hubs was on his way home from picking up his ring, he stopped at the store for a couple of items, I asked for pickles…. Well, I certainly got some pickles!! HAHA, 80FL ounces worth of pickles! The hubster knows me too well!

IMG_6881

 

So once we wrapped up the night with a little Taco Bell and a whirlwind of a day, I decided Saturday would be a “lay in bed and snuggle with the furry friends day”.

So, lap top in hand, HGTV playing renovation shows, this girl is snuggled in with a drama (hopefully, attempting chicken pot pie tonight) free Saturday trying to catch up from the crazies of Friday.

 

IMG_6892

 

I think my furry friends were ok with a Fabu “Saturday” instead.

Have a Happy Weekend!!

Quiet Seasons

Lately I am finding I have some type of road block in my mind. I can’t think of anything worth sharing. Perhaps I’m even contemplating, “does anyone read this stuff? If they do, do they even care?” But, then again, I have to remember I’m not doing this for other people’s approval. I did this for me. I did this for the woman who stumbles upon this searching for hope and a sense of being understood while she’s walking through pain and grief. I did this for the husband and wife who are struggling to fight their way back to normal after miscarriage, ectopic, and missed miscarriages. I’m doing this because this is what the Lord asked me to do. So, I need to be more open about letting HIM do the writing and me obeying.

There isn’t anything huge or noteworthy going on. I feel like the holidays have stolen all my attention and energy. But, life is as usual. We just keep walking along, trusting and believing. I noticed just the other day that it has been two weeks of only my Fabu Friday blogs. While those are all great and full of fun, I haven’t really had much else to say about the everyday stuff. Umm, by the way, how the heck is it December already?

1384189490404635

My job is still moving along quite nicely (keeping me nice and busy busy), my husband is still working his bones off and also freezing his tush off on occasion (you’re the best, babe). The new car is amazing and everything I ever dreamed of. I am so incredibly thankful for that provision and so aware of the gift it is each time I start it up. I am a little annoyed that we had it for about 4 days and we have our first head light out, already…. That’s a bit irritating. But, that’s just a small details and one that doesn’t really warrant much attention.

I think the most exciting part is how much closer I am to having my sister and her family here. I am eagerly awaiting the day they pull in for GOOD. Each day they are closer and closer to being in their forever home, closer to me!

The Lord is working on a lot of things in me and for the first time in months, well basically since we lost Colton, I feel like we are “tight” again. Like we’re homies. It’s been a struggle to get back into a place of full trust and surrender, but I am finally reaching that again. There have been multiple times over the last month He has brought me to my knees (literally) in awe and trust and surrender to Him and His love for me. I’ve been waiting for this day to get here. I had always thought that losing Colton ruined my relationship with Him forever, He proved me wrong. For that I am incredibly thankful and so happy I didn’t stay where I was.

I had mentioned a few posts back about the opportunity to start a support group. It’s amazing to me how much of a need there is in Spokane. After meeting with another woman through the MISS Foundation, I learned that not only do woman here in Spokane need this, but Doctors and counselors and so many others are looking for such group to be facilitated. I still believe that this is something I should be doing. I still don’t know what that would look like quite yet. I feel like it’s come to a bit of a stand still. There is a lack of direction and I honestly don’t even know where to begin. So perhaps it’s time to send an email out to my connections and see where this takes us. It’s also been made aware to me that I would need at least two more woman to come along side me and be “leading” with me. I haven’t found, or rather looked, for that support. So, if you are in Spokane and you think this is something you want to be involved with, please feel free to contact me: mlwalker0909@gmail.com

I think maybe with all decisions and seasons of life we come to a giant T in the road and have to sit and pray it out and ask for direction before picking which way you go. I don’t mind these moments. In fact, I really love this season because I feel like I am where I am supposed to be. I finally feel like I am truly rooted and tethered back to my Father in an intimate way that was severely lacking for quite a while.

I am enjoying where I am at and I guess maybe that makes for lack of words. For now, I am super content. Yeah, I still have my fears and anxieties and frustrations that I have to face on a daily basis, but they are not nearly as scary as they were. I like that I can now see a little better through the fog. 🙂

resized_happy-wednesday-635f71