A heart full of more gratitude!

Monday:

  • OB Follow-up from L&D stay
  • Cervical check deemed no new changes
  • Placed on complete pelvic rest
  • Restrictions to daily activities and instructions to go home from work as needed for rest
  • fFN (Fetal Fibronectin Test = Negative)

Today:

With a negative fFN test earlier in the week we were able to rule out actual labor happening for a span of like 7-10 days – some say 14 days. So little man seems to be staying put. We were thrilled to have a negative result. However, for 2.5 days following that appointment I continued to have very regular and increasing intensity contractions. Everyone assured me things are fine so I finally just sucked it up and used this time frame to practice for actual labor and delivery. I’ve basically been on a cocktail of Tylenol and Benadryl mixture for the last 5 days. It’s essentially done nothing but help me sleep on occasion and help with the normal aches and pains associated with pregnancy (achy limbs, ribs, feet, etc). The last few days have been “good days”. Where I haven’t really been in much discomfort, so I’ll take it as a win and be stoked about it. But, last night was a doozy. I think I got about 2 hours of sleep and the good ol’ evil (or are they good…?) contractions are back.

Thankfully today we took a peek at Mr. Crosby, measured my cervix and checked for any changes. I seem to have a very proactive midwifery team and they are providing amazing care. We did a complete OB check today as well. I’m still mentally preparing myself to go full term and beyond (42 is my max) and if he decides to come early – that’s just icing on the cake. But I would prefer him to stay put for at least another 3 weeks. Either way, they’ve assured me that if he were to come today – his survival rate is well over 90% and he would be just fine.

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So the great news, my cervix and all the insides look fantastic. Mr. Crobsy is measuring perfectly and appears to have chubby cheeks and his estimated weight is 5lbs 10oz. He was practicing breathing during his ultrasound, so we got to watch his little belly do some amazing work. She has prescribed me a medication called Vistaril to take on days where I seem to be contracting too often and need a break, the only side effect she mentioned was sleepiness. I am still on complete pelvic rest and restricted activities until 36 weeks. After that – any labor that happens can happen! If I am feeling anything new or different than what I’ve been feeling I’m to call and report it…. But, she seemed pretty confident that little C ain’t going anywhere any time soon. This was a HUGE relief to us today. We are incredibly thankful!

Check out those smoochers!!!

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On Monday we have our final meeting with our doula, Sarah. I’m getting increasingly more and more excited about delivery. It hasn’t quite made me nervous or anxious. I’ve not yet felt fear of the pain or fear of the what if’s. Perhaps me telling myself that a birth plan is simply just best-case-scenario, and anything can change at any moment has helped. The closer it gets the more I see myself embracing the process and looking forward to seeing how it unfolds. The only time I’ve felt fear was last Friday while being monitored. But my fear wasn’t of birth, but more the fear of losing another baby – or something going terribly wrong and having a complicated premie infant. I felt unprepared for his arrival and I knew that it was too early. But now, I feel like I have a better understanding of how things could, and most likely will, turn out.

So, 33 weeks looks pretty darn good from here. I’m thrilled to have had such a great appointment! I’m pretty sure my next update will include a lot of pictures of his room and all the fun stuff we’ve finished buying! Until then, you’ll likely find me floating in my pool. Dr’s orders… you know 🙂

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Happy Fathers day to all the men who have their littles in their arms, in their hearts, or in their prayers. To all the men who serve as father figures to kiddos and young teens to young adults. To all the men who teach and invest their important time into our families and to all the men who have lots their littles far too soon or have one baking and on the way!

On to Year 3 – It keeps gettin’ better!

2 years ago today I was waking up to the most beautiful day I’ve ever been greeted by. It was sunny, it was warm, and I was promising my life to another. I was nervous, I was excited, and I was scared to be standing in front of so many people. I had kept my dress a surprise to everyone but one person. It felt like a true fairy tale.

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I wore my mothers dress, my daddy walked me down the aisle, and we stood in front of all our family and friends and told each other that for better or for worse, in plenty and in want, in sickness and health that we would honor each other and love each other. The promises were easy to repeat, we meant every word of the vows we spoke. To this day, those words could not ring louder and truer in my spirit.

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Our marriage started almost immediately with opposition. We saw loss, we saw pain, we saw sickness, we saw anger, we saw grief. I’ll even admit that after one full year I was half way preparing for it to crumble. BUT, we fought. We fought hard. We learned that the easy way out was to keep pressing forward, keep talking when we didn’t want to talk, keep serving when it felt like we had nothing left to give. The second full year… what a difference. THAT was our honey-moon phase and we’re still in it!

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If there is one thing I’ve learned entering into the 3rd year – Don’t give up. It’s easier to fight it out than it is to walk away. It’s easier to struggle to keep trusting the Lord and the commitment you’ve made than it is to give up. And…

Oh my gosh is it rewarding.

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Connor,

You’ve been a rock. You’ve been a constant. You’ve loved me at my worst and you’ve loved me at my best. You’ve been an example for me to follow and you’ve been my anchor. You’ve been my biggest cheerleader and you’ve been my biggest challenger. You’ve seen my hopes and dreams be crushed and you’ve helped restore my hopes and dreams. You are strong, you are confident, you inspire me, you lead me, you guide me. Most days I’m not sure I could love you more than I do, but somehow with each passing day and each moment we share my passion for you deepens, my heart for you widens. You are an excellent father and I am thrilled to grow with you in a new year and a new chapter. I’m excited to learn to parent with you. I’m excited to watch God grow us as husband and wife into a family of 3. I’m willing to face the fun and the challenges we’re going to face all because I get to do it with you!

In plenty and in want, in good times and bad, in sickness and health baby – We’ve got this! It’s gonna be hard, it’s gonna be wild, but it’s gonna be amazing! We serve a good God! Thank you Lord for my Husband – I’d be lost in this mess without him.

Happy Anniversary, Lubber! 2 down – and MANY MANY more years to come!

Love Always,

Your Bride

Who Dreamt Up Someone So Divine…

Ok, I know this song makes me sound so cheesy, but I have been listening to it non-stop and letting the tears run freely. I’m not sure why, but I have a feeling it’s tethered to my beliefs in God and how He has so intricately and amazingly created not only my husband but also the little dude coming soon.
It’s mostly this part that wrecks me…
So if I’m ever not kissing you or looking in your eyes
I won’t be blind and I won’t cry
I’ll look up high and gladly sigh

And thank the guy
Who puts the rainbow in the sky
Who lights the stars at night
Who dreamt up someone so divine,
Someone like you and made them mine
Someone like you and made them mine

I die, every time. Perhaps this last trimester has turned on my weepy faucets… I’ve noticed my tears come a lot more freely lately. Usually over weird stuff. Like love songs… Or commercials. Or (let me brag for a second) the beautiful flowers and note from the hubs telling me how much he appreciates all I do – especially when I’ve been down for the count a lot lately…….. Or a really yummy dinner – Don’t judge me.
It’s been a pretty uneventful week, and I have a feeling things will remain that way for a bit, which is totally fine. With warmer weather coming, and evenings spent by the pool and with friends and family before we have little C join us, things will pick up and I’ll have lots of pictures to share! Not to mention pics of fabulous food and baby showers coming too! I feel like I’m living in a dream, this is what spoiled feels like. It…. it makes me thankful.
Due date:  August 6, 2015
How far along: 29 Weeks! I never imagined I would ever be 29 weeks pregnant. The thought has never once crossed my mind. And now that I’m there… I’m delightfully baffled and thankful and grateful. Cue the tears again… Seriously. It’s amazing, even in all it’s aches and pains and discomforts. It’s quite the experience. I’m being exceptionally brave – Bare belly shots. I’ve got a nice lovely (dark) line, a flat/innie/outie belly button and some foldies around my ribs! Enjoy, ha!
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Next appointment: The 27th. I have graduated to every-other-week appointments. All my appointments have been scheduled up to my due date. Which is nice, but also kinda weird…. My glucose test came back perfect. However, my third tri blood work showed that I was pretty anemic (which is completely common and nothing to sneeze at), but I am now on a RX of extra iron… I’m sure I’ll take it the remainder of the pregnancy, or maybe they’ll retest me again? Not sure. But at this point, if that’s all that comes up – I’ll take it!
Gender: Boy – Crosby Dixon
Exercise: Nothing. I hate it. My hip (SI Joint) has been so incredibly painful that I feel like I limp around all day then plop on the sofa/bed for the rest of the evening. I’ve even had some days where I completely lose feeling in my right leg and toes… Usually that gives me relief from pain, so I don’t mind. Sometimes I get ambitious and try to do chores but I cry often from pain. It sucks and it hard really made me very aware of my pride and stubbornness. Letting my hubs take care of me and the chores around the house has been very humbling and very appreciated. BUT, I’m still believing that it’s going to heal up soon. And I’m really looking forward to the pool warming up a bit so I can get some exercise in that way.
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Stretch marks: Nope!
Belly button:  Half in/ half out/ half flat?
Sleep: I would wish and hope for sleep all the day long… But it doesn’t happen… unless accompanied by a sleep aid. Which they said is fine, but I do try to limit my use of Tylenol PM.
Food cravings:  My mocha kick is gone. Its good and all, and I’m still drinking them, but I don’t feel like I need it anymore. I’m not really craving anything. Maybe I want a hamburger… Or maybe I’m just hungry…again.
Symptoms:  Growing belly, bust and butt! Fatigue. The emotions are starting to become more weepy, forgetful, distracted. I’m not sure where my brain is, but I hope it comes back at least a little.
Movement:  Roll, wiggle, twitch, punch, kick, roll. Repeat. All.Day.Long. I still haven’t felt any hiccups, I hope I feel them at least once?
Baby’s Size/Milestones: Even though Crosby’s about 16 inches tall, the size of a pineapple, and pretty close to birth height, he is still weighing in at about three – three and a half pounds, so he still has a lot of fat to pack on in the next eleven weeks. Crosby’s muscles and lungs continue to mature, and he still has plenty of weight to gain. As he gets bigger in the womb and has less room to unleash those roundhouse kicks, you’ll start to feel slight movements, like elbows to your uterus, more often. These movements may start to feel more defined and more regular, and are reaching the point where they generally peak and plateau – the level of movement Crosby will be at until you give birth, essentially.
Labor signs: NONE! He’s still up very high, I have the occasional – Braxton Hicks contractions, but that doesn’t mean anything.
What I miss: Sleeping on my stomach, walking normally, not being in pain.
What I’m loving:  Growing a baby 🙂
What I’m looking forward to: Getting my hairs did tonight. Maternity pics. Baby Showers!! I have to brag, I have some of the best friends, family, and coworkers! I am spoiled and I am having 3 (!!!!!!) showers. I can’t even believe it. I also have to mention they all did an amazing job at designing invites. I actually feel quite speechless – as I am so overwhelmed with the fact that people actually want to throw a party for us to help us welcome Crosby. Amazing.. here’s a sneak of ONE of my shower invites:
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Credit goes to a gal in Marketing at my place of employment and another coworker (L). They are amazing!

What I’m reading: Acts, as well as Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth. I am looking to purchase Hypnobirthing by Marie Mongan, just to see what that’s all about. But so far my only prep to delivery is positive self talk and trusting that my body is going to do what it needs to do and is capable of. But I’m also spending a lot of time bringing my fears/excitement/nerves/questions/etc to the Lord and trusting that He knows what’s best and will guide me as needed.
Baby Purchases: We bought a camera. Like a legit camera. It’s hard spending that much money, but we are SUPER excited to have something nice to capture a lot of great moments from here on out.
Best moment this week: This happened…
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My bestie Lindsey gifted me a 50 min pedicure at a local Spa and Coffeehouse. OhMyGosh it was amazing. She’ll never know how thankful I was for the gift and how I savored every.single.second. My feet feel fresh and loved. Ha! Thank you, chica. Seriously, such a wonderful surprise gift!
So basically I’m uncomfortable, I don’t sleep, I’m sore, and tired, but I’ve never been more thankful in my life.
I cannot believe I am getting SO close. It’s nuts. But then again, I still have quite some time…. 🙂 Happy Memorial Day weekend! Be safe, have fun, and celebrate!

Oh How the Years Go By!

I am both amazed and dumbfounded how it could already be May 7th. Often times when I find myself reflecting on the date I find myself looking back at how far I’ve come in one year or two, sometimes even 3. It dawned on me last night (not sure how I could even start to forget about this) that my Hubs and I will be celebrating our 2 year anniversary (as well as my 2 year blogging anniversary soon) which then made me realize I’ve spent just over 3 years with this dude. Where did time go? When did all this time pass and all of a sudden we’re here. If I’m being completely honest, at some points in our first year of marriage, I didn’t think we’d be here.

April, May and June of 2014 saw a lot of tears, a lot of fights, and a lot of questions. I tried to walk away, I shut down, and then over the course of our second year of marriage God started healing me, healing us. Words that shouldn’t have ever been spoken were forgiven, actions that left deep wounds were healed. As I look back I am amazed at the restoration, sufficiency, and redemption that we’ve walked through. These were all words that the Lord had given me WELL before we even started this journey. And not long after our last loss I received the word Victory. I believe FULLY that year one was all about those words, and year two saw a lot of victory.

In May of last year I was given a 50% chance of a successful pregnancy, and from there the news kept getting worse and worse. And from the moment the Dr said – basically if you want kids it’s gotta happen now because you don’t have much time left…. God showed up and beat all the odds that were stacked up against us.

I think today I am simply amazed at the miracle of life. I never would have thought a year ago that I would just be starting my third trimester…. I told my husband last night, I feel like I’m bringing in a new year! Sounds silly, but apparently I must be floating on some clouds of pure thankfulness and gratitude. Maybe just some extra oxytocin and endorphins? Either way, I’m proud. This marriage stuff is hard, add in complications with child-bearing and repeat miscarriages, we were doomed for divorce or a crappy start. It wasn’t ideal, but good – no AMAZING things –  have come from this. I’m stoked that the start of year #3 will bring a new set of challenges that will grow us together and grow our faith. It makes me excited for the next word/promise we receive from God.

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Due date:  August 6, 2015
How far along: 27 Weeks! I am beyond thrilled and blessed to be this far. I am REALLY enjoying this process and I couldn’t be more thankful.
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Yup, I realize the tags are still on – BUT new swim wear ya’ll! So now you can say you’ve all seen me in a swim suit. Yikes!

Next appointment: Tuesday, glucose – yuck.
Gender: Boy – Crosby Dixon
Exercise: Mostly just walking – yoga hasn’t seen me in a few weeks, but I’m still active, which is the goal.
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Stretch marks: Nope! I hope it stays that way – if not, meh – no biggie
Belly button:  half in/ half out (mostly in the evenings though)
Sleep: The last two nights have been induced by Tylenol pm (approved and suggested by my doctor) as I’ve come down with a terrible cold, but I seem to be bouncing back quickly. I think the solid sleep is helping!
Food cravings:  Mocha Americano – decaf, always decaf. I have never liked mochas in my life. Now I must have it.
Symptoms:  I have a hitch in my giddy-up, but hoping the chiro can fix it tomorrow. Fatigue, sore ribs, hips and back, other than that – I’ve been very lucky!
Movement:  Free Entertainment. The movement is less jabby and more rolling. He loves my ribs – but he doesn’t really have much room as I am SO short-waisted. He makes me laugh a lot when he’s tumbling around. I love it, and I know I will miss it.
Baby’s Size/Milestones:  This week, Crosby weighs about 2.5 pounds and is about 15 inches long with his legs extended. He’s sleeping and waking at regular intervals, opening and closing his eyes, and perhaps even sucking his fingers. With more brain tissue developing, baby’s brain is very active now. His lungs are now developed enough where he could easily be sustained with medical help if he decided to come extra early.
Labor signs: NONE! He’s still up very high, I have the occasional – sometimes constant – Braxton Hicks contractions, but that doesn’t mean anything. Crosby has a ways to go still.
What I miss: Sleeping on my stomach, a good pee, and not grunting to bend over and pick things up! HA! Makes cleaning interesting…
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What I’m loving:  Growing a baby 🙂
What I’m looking forward to:  Meeting Crosby, baby showers, seeing my mom in August, raising a boy to love Jesus. I can’t wait to see him and my hubs together. I can’t wait to see what he looks like!
What I’m reading: Acts, as well as Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth, I really like her book and I hope to get her other books as well.
Baby Purchases: Nothing really except supplies for his room. We were generously gifted a glider, bandana bibs, our desired diaper bag, and decorative pillow for his room – from my amazing momma! We feel totally spoiled!!
Best moment this week: Finishing painting and prepping little man’s room. Now the organizing and decorating can begin! We, ok – my husband – basically gutted this room and re-did the trim, the walls, the changing table, the closet, replaced the air vents… basically everything.. My only contribution was painting the book shelf. He gets all the credit. Nice work babes, you deserve a giant smooch!
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Don’t mind the mess, I have NO clue where to put things yet so for now things are just all over the place! Our new glider will be where that bounce/swing is, it should come any day – Thanks Momma!!!

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This lighting is bad, but we wanted to capture the new light fixture. Trust me, you didn’t want to see the previous 1970’s nasty that was in there.

So basically, that’s it. Time is flyin’, we’re excited, and things just keep getting better and better!
PS- I did let the internet scare me. What do you knowledgeable gals know about retained placenta after birth – especially in the case of a history of 4+ d&c’s and scar tissue? Good ol’ baby center… Apparently it can be pretty serious resulting in a hysterectomy?