The Start of Something New

I sit in our home office catching up on blogger friends lives, family blogs, and wonder how on earth I use to have so much to write about… And some people actually found it interesting? Maybe because when you’re a RPLer (RPL = repeat pregnancy loss) and Infertile (IF) you kind of band together. Some beat the odds and expand their families and some don’t – some are still waiting.. I struggle with even writing about our story anymore – because, well, we got lucky. I beat IF and RPL. BUT, it’s a vital portion of our testimony. It’s something that has shaped our faith and family. It’s something that I refused to keep too quiet about because well – GOD! He deserves all the glory because He gave us a miracle.

4 years ago (yesterday, actually) I underwent a surgery. Surgery that left me scarred and damaged – not just emotionally – but phyisically.


When a surgeon “accidentally” drops your ovary and fallopian tube on to the cauterization tool it leaves a mark.. Unfortunately (or maybe fortunately?) it was a scar that no one could see. It’s only evidence was the tears that only the closest people to me saw. It wasn’t until later that I finally spoke out and admitted the struggles this damage caused. And honestly, it’s a hurdle I get to deal with each time we consider adding a babe to our family. For those who may not know – I have a useless fallopian tube hanging out inside me. This same tube was the one that ended up homing my first babe – my ectopic baby (July 24th, 2013). Resulting in immediate termination and emergency surgery. They left it in there, so the anxiety with every subsequent pregnancy remains. There is no way I want to experience that again, but my odds of it happening are much higher than your average Joe Shmoe. As much as I look forward to a positive pregnancy test, it also scares the crap out of me.

After my first loss we endured 2 more miscarriages – one at 5.5 weeks (Sept 24th, 2013) and one at 11.5 weeks (April 25th, 2014), Colton James Brooks. Yes, he was boy, he had triploidy and was very sick. I’m thankful to know and fully understand that this world is not my permanent home and I have 3 gorgeous babes waiting for me. I cannot describe the amount of anticipation I have everyday waiting to meet them. This was the most trying season of my life. In November 2014, after one failed medicated cycle, we attempted a second. Letrozole, trigger, TI, and progesterone + baby aspirin + lots of ultrasounds later we got Crosby. And we got to keep him. He stayed a full 40 weeks in my belly and made his beautiful entrance into this world on August 6, 2015 (my EDD).


13 months later we find ourselves on cycle #7 trying for a second baby. Here’s what’s the kicker, if it were JUST a bum tube and past RPL I would be fine waiting however long it takes for #2 to join us. BUT, add endometriosis, Diminished Ovarian Reserve, RPL, MTHFR, and a bum tube it makes me scratch my head a little when it’s all of a sudden taking longer than it did in the first year of our marriage. I know God is faithful, cause I’ve seen Him bring redemption into my life before… Hello – I have Crosby! But – If I’m honest, it still stings a little when things aren’t going the way you thought they could go. It still hurts when you get the “not yet” or the negative test. It still isn’t fun to be in a season of waiting, again.

For a while I was feeling selfish – like how dare I even consider complaining. I have my miracle. But then I realized that adding more kiddos to our family isn’t selfish – it is a God-given desire and it’s ok to struggle when it’s not happening the way we thought. It doesn’t make me greedy, it doesn’t make me selfish, and just because I have a babe now doesn’t make my feelings or desires less valid.


SOO- with that said – because I am still breastfeeding we cannot do fertility treatments. And I am ok with that. I’m not ready for that. I want to trust and believe that I’ll get to experience a naturally conceived baby that I don’t have to say good-bye to. I want that and I believe that God just might give me that desire. I could be wrong, but I hope I am not. To be pro-active we are doing a few things:

Blood work

Lots of blood work.


9/7/16 – this is what is currently being processed.

  • AMH
  • FSH
  • TSH
  • FREE T3 & T4
  • DHEA
  • CBC

Within the next month I will have also completed:

  • CD 21 Progesterone
  • micronutrients panel
  • 96 different foods allergy panel

It was recently discovered in last years food allergy (only 12ish different foods) that I am allergic to wheat. As of last Friday I have been proactively removing all wheat from my diet. I used to be GF/dairy free/soy free/egg free, but when I became pregnant nothing bothered me. Until after I delivered my son I was great – then I went down hill again, but I never re-removed those foods from my diet – except dairy cause my son couldn’t tolerate it for a long time. So, back to square one. It’s an adjustment and knowing I am allergic – makes me even more strict with my diet. I am glad to feel like I am doing something proactive – not only for my fertility and family planning but my overall health and well-being. There ya have it gang – here’s the plan for the Brooks’!

Here’s to hoping we get to have another babe in our near-ish future!

PS – WordPress also wished me a Happy 2-Year Anniversary of Blogging with them.. Which means I’ve been a blogger for 4 years now (2 with and 2 with

OH – and Happy Birthday to ME and my Twinsie (tomorrow!!!)



When it comes to number 2

And no… I’m not talking about poop. As a momma it’s easy to assume the conversation will always end on a poo discussion.. But this comes to BABY number 2.

I EBF my boy, Crosby, for the 6 six months of his life and then we added solids. He still nursed, and continues to nurse to this day. However, at 7.5 month PP I got my lovely cycle back. During my whole PP phase we never decided to use any form of birth control (for many reasons I don’t think I need to explain). So we definitely were not “trying” but we weren’t protecting either. We are totally ok with the second baby coming whenever (BAHAHA insert nieve thinking here). Well, as you’ve guessed, there’s no “bun in the oven”. Once my cycle returned we jumped straight into actively trying. I am now on cycle number 6.

I can’t say I’m overly optimistic. I’m absolutely terrified of another loss – even after having a perfectly healthy baby. I’m baffled and discouraged that I feel like I am back at square one. But I also have guilt and shame – because – well.. I have ONE baby. I got what I wanted – how dare I be selfish and wish for more and then be heart broken that it’s not happening on my timeline. But, I am clouded with the thoughts of “what if”…

  • what if I can’t have another
  • what if I need fertility treatments again
  • what if I have another miscarriage… or heaven forbid more than one
  • what if I don’t have any eggs left
  • what if…

The list can go on and on.

6 cycles is nothing.. but as a recovering RPLer and fertility treatment junky it’s making me scratch my head.

So, here we go. My first step is going to be a naturopathic fertility specialist. Since I am still breastfeeding and don’t plan on weaning until AT LEAST 18 months I would like to continue on the natural side of things if possible. Once my son is weaned, if we have still not yet had any glimmer of hope for baby number 2, I imagine we will go directly back to SRM – Spokane.

I’ve always wanted 3 kiddos… That’s what our dream was… But the older I get the more I find myself convincing myself and my hubby that just maybe ONE will be enough… My heart doesn’t believe it yet… My heart doesn’t feel complete yet. There are more babies to housed in this body of mine.. I’m just terrified that I won’t get to bring them all home.


Crosby Turns One

Dear Crosby,


Unbelievable. They tell you it goes fast. They say that you’ll blink and you’ll be in college. I believe every single word they say. You, sweet boy, are so sassy, stubborn, spirited, funny, wild, loving, determined and crazy! I can’t help but melt every single time I look at you. I never knew my heart could expand the way it has over the last year.

I’m a little late writing this. Mostly because, well you are very busy right now. You do so much. Then during your naps I “reset” our spaces and get a few things done that publishing a blog has been low on the list.

I never knew that God would be gracious enough to let us have you. After our wild journey to have you I’m continually blown away at his mercy. I hope and pray that every day you are continually reminded of His perfect plan and that He is completely FOR you. Always. Never ever does He make a mistake in the plans He has for your life. You WILL do great things. Of this, I am 100% certain.

I’ve loved watching you grow, be challenged with new tasks to learn, milestones to reach, all the while your eyes are filled with wonder. Never lose that sense of wonder. Be a dreamer and while you’re at it… Dream BIG.

I love you more than you’ll ever know…

Love you always,

The Momma


Weight: Crosby is 23lbs and 31 inches tall – He wears some pretty snug 12m pj’s and then is almost exclusively in 18m clothing and some 18-24m clothing.

Wordsmama, dada, cat (sorta, haha!), up, dog, and we’re pretty certain you said “done” last night at dinner. There is absolutely no consistency with your words. However, you are getting incredibly good at signing “please” and “more”. You will have manners, sweet one.


Teeth: You have 7 choppers to help you hoarf down all that yummy food you’ve been eating! Your first dentist appointment was amazing, all looks perfect and healthy!

Sleep/Naps: You are taking 2-ish naps a day and sleeping a full-uninterrupted 12 hrs at night. It’s glorious. I’m amazed and proud and momma isn’t so cray-cray now that you are sleeping through the night!


That belly though🙂

Nicknames: Chobby, Chubbers, Bubba, baby, Crozzy, Dobby, and whatever else comes outta my mouth. But Chobby takes the lead right now.


  • Cruising furniture – took two independent steps (TODAY!!)
  • Clapping
  • Dancing
  • very good listener
  • will bring me objects without prompting
  • has attempted taking an interest in drawing at my Saturday morning momma group
  • loves being involved with the cooking and baking of his food
  • Can identify who people are in pictures (really only himself, momma, and daddy)
  • Is great at a 3 piece puzzle
  • loves matching the shapes in the hole of his toys
  • loves using anything as a hat and attempting to put on sunglasses🙂

So many things my busy-body boy does that I just can’t keep up. I love watching him learn and process. It’s my favorite.

Birthday Picture Camera Dump:

Thank you to my good friend Sue for snapping some pics during his party with our camera.


Mommy and Me/Breastfeeding awareness month pics:

Thank you Esther Edith Photography for capturing some sweet sweet moments with me and my boy